Tag: love

Dispatches from Community Meeting

By Kathryn Leahey

This week did not see a run-of-the-mill community meeting. Most noticeably, Levi B. was not joined by his usual cohorts. With one home sick and the other preparing for the Black and Tan bash, Hope and Melody were filled in for by the highly capable Ms. Sarah Buckingham. Beyond the obvious lineup change, more community members, that is, most of them, were conspicuously absent. McGregor 113 held a, sadly, farless- than-capacity audience when Levi called the meeting to order. Nagging Statement Number One: People, for the love of Pete, come to community meeting! By not going, you are only costing yourself some delicious berry-flavored ice cream and the opportunity to argue and make your voice heard. I have heard innumerable people around campus complain about community government being taken less seriously by this administration. If you want shared governance, take a flipping share in it. Do not submit to apathy.

The meeting began as usual with our weekly round of gratitude. Luke Brennan thanked the Record staff and all those community members who have contributed letters to the paper as of late. Levi B. thanked all those who volunteered in the CG office after the desperate plea for help was made on First Class. All those involved with Ann Shine’s piano recital, Community Day activities, the Pennell House art party, and Daniel Farrell’s speech were also thanked. Dennie Eagelson and Janice Kinghorn were thanked for the procurement of the aforementioned delicious raspberry ice cream. Additionally, two student-cum-nurses and an anonymous flower-bearing friend rounded out those on the receiving end of the community’s thankfulness.

As usual, Cil updates were not terribly extensive. As of the time of the meeting, AdCil had yet to meet for the week. However, we did learn the ComCil is continuing their discussion on REB versus RAB and are planning on establishing a RAB restructuring committee to meet the college’s present needs.

Most of the announcements made this week were repeat reminders of things announced at our last meeting. Once again, the Uprising Tour will be taking place on campus soon with a special performance by Drive By Shiavo, a speaker from the ACLU will be coming on the 23rd, and the Alumni Board will be here this weekend. Applications for CM and for Pennell House coordinator, Record editor, and C-Shop manager are still due on the 27th of October and 2nd of November, respectively. In new news, On Saturday at 8 pm, there will be a chem-free harvest-time themed party at the Wellness Center, and the Queer Center is having a meeting on Monday. We also learned as a community that Meghan Pergrem does, in fact, love Erin Winter, as was announced by the former this Tuesday. Then into the blender we went: it was time to Pulse. Our major topic this week was the issue of respect, especially that for CG, its officers, and its things. To begin, CG has office hours for a reason. We are all encouraged to use them. If no one is there during office hours and you need assistance, call the office at PBX 1050. More pressingly, as you may know, the old piano available for use in the Union, which may or may not have been slated to be thrown away, was destroyed at some point late last week. Levi commented that a general sense of entitlement may be cited as the reason why someone would do something like that. Nagging Statement Number Two: I’d like to send a big WTF to anyone involved in this senseless act of vandalism. What’s the point? Why destroy something that belongs to CG and, thus, in a sense, all of us? Step up. Take responsibility. Use this opportunity to change the bratty, privileged attitude that allowed you to do this in the first place.

After learning that a possible Cactus Liberation Front has stolen a giant cactus from Units 1, the conversation on this topic drifted to possible solutions to the problem. Jeanne Kay and Perry have started a fundraising effort to replace the piano. If you’d like to help, talk to one of them. Beyond possibly replacing the instrument, several schools of thought emerged about what ought to happen in regards to the situation. The idea that the pieces of the broken piano be turned into art was presented, although some felt that this should only occur if the piece of work would still be able to produce music. The idea that “people [the vandal(s)] must know they will suffer� was put forth, but others called for greater positive thought and action. Amanda felt as though the destruction of the piano can be contributed to a phenomenon referred to as the “tragedy of the commons� and suggested that a sign stating “My name is Betty. I’m a piano. Take care of me!� posted on the piano may have prevented such an occurrence, an idea that provoked giggles from the crowd but will have Levi looking into the idea of naming other things around campus. Finally, I think most people’s feelings can be summed up by what Nicole stated near the end of our short meeting: “We don’t have nice things. We don’t really have [pause] things…but don’t destroy ‘em, because we sure as hell aren’t going to get new things.� Until next week, Antiochians, to paraphrase Joe Cali, try not to break anything. And don’t fall down.

Nookie with Mimi & Niko

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Hi again and welcome! This week I bring you a reprint of my column last term on transgender and genderqueer people and sex. I think this topic is important and I wanted our new community members to have access to this information.

As a self identified genderqueer trans guy this issue is near an dear to my little tranny boi heart. I want to remind everyone that every trans person is different. I cannot represent everybody. I will do my best to provide you an accurate overview and some personal insight. Thanks and enjoy!

So, what do you do when the person you are interested in is trans? Here at Antioch we want to do our best support people’s identities and treat people well. We do our best to not fuck up pronouns, but it’s even more important to hold yourself accountable if you are sleeping with a trans person.

Firsts it’s important to talk about how we ask questions. What is appropriate and inappropriate to ask? Here a few personal examples of bad questions to ask:

How big are your breasts/cock?

So you are really a woman/man, right?

Good questions to ask are:

What pronoun do you prefer?

What do you like in bed?

It’s scary when the other person’s questions are only about your body, not your body AND you. It’s called exoticfication, and it doesn’t feel good. The best thing you can do is treat the person like a person, not a piece of meat. Make sure you are interested in the person, not just the identity.

There are a lot of body considerations when it comes to trans people. It’s important to ask what places are off limits. Some transwomen don’t ever use their biological parts, same with transmen. Some still love to have them touched. Some always wear a dick, some don’t. Everyone is different. It’s also important ask how each body part should be touched. For example:

Only touch me above the nipple line

Don’t cup my breasts

Don’t be afraid, this is so important for a trans person’s comfort. It’s also very SOPP friendly.

A lot of us have different names for our body parts. Here are some examples, at least for the transmasculine spectrum, I have complied from talking with friends:

Man Titties

Man breasts

Man goods

Boy hole (my personal favorite)

Man pussy

For all trans people it’s important to validate their bodies, much like you validate their identity. Treat transwomen’s bodies as female. Treat transmen’s bodies as male. Tell her how hot her curves are, or that she’s got beautiful breasts. When in doubt ask! Yes, it’s intimidating. But I would much rather have that discussion outside the sheets rather than in them.

It’s also useful to reinterpret how you see body parts. Yeah, I may have been born with a cunt and a clit. But it’s my boyhole and cock now. This is how I view my body and expect my partners to respect this. It’s about changing how you see things. These terms may also change with time, so check in.

Another thing to consider is a person level of transition. Hormones change your body a lot and affect your comfort level. In my situation, my girlfriend, Mimi has watched me change in way no one else has or ever be able to. She stands by my side and has to deal with all the changes too. She supports me and encourages me. So please be supportive of your trans fuck buddies or partners. It’s also important that we, as trans people, are supportive of how our partners are feeling about things too. For those of us new to hormones our body is in a constant state of transition. This is an intense thing for all parties involved.

Not to mention a person’s body perception changes a lot. It took me a lot longer to believe I look liked boy than it did for most of the people in my life. It took me forever to get used to Niko and male pronouns. I’ve gone by Nikki and she for 20 years; it’s weird when that shift happens. Amazing but strange. Communication and Support are the two best things you can do to negotiate sex between you and a trans person, as with anyone. Now to my partner, Mimi …..

Hi all and welcome to the partner-portion of Nookie with Niko. My name is Mimi and some of you might remember me from my brief stint as an Antioch Student in Fall ’05. But now on to what we all care about- how to have sex with a trans person.

I think first and foremost, the bottom line is communication. Communication is probably the most overused word in sex advice articles- but it’s true. You should be able to ask your lover what he/she likes and wants, and respect that, regardless of their sex or gender. Of course, if you are sleeping with a partner regularly, over time you will learn what is and isn’t okay, but at first keep it simple and don’t make assumptions (the same could be said for pronoun usage, gender identity, the list goes on and on).

The most valuable thing I’ve learned about sex and bodies is that the fetus starts out in the same form, regardless of its future sex. As the fetus matures, the extra X or Y chromosome takes affect, testosterone and estrogen are added to the mix, and the genitalia begin to develop towards one end of the spectrum. The binary “male” and “female” are actually just the two farthest ends of a spectrum that has many in-betweens.

The point of all this is that a word is only a word. A clit is what happens to the tip of the penis if there’s no Y chromosome in the fetus. Testes are essentially ovaries; there is a female equivalent to the prostate (called Skene’s gland!). What this means is that whatever your trans partner wants his/her genitals called, they will essentially perform the same function. If you can get over the idea that a clit is a clit is a clit, then anything can be what you call it.

Of course, playing with toys can be a great addition to any sex life, and may enhance the idea of “traditional notions” of what a cock is. I’ve compiled a list of Strap-On Blowjob tips from Sex Toys 101: A Playfully Uninhibited Guide, written by Rachel Venning and Claire Cavanah, to get you started.

-Use a realistic cock… For decent dick sucking you need a sexy number with a clearly defined shaft and head and veins and balls if possible.

-Think psychic dick. Although it’s not a flesh and blood penis, your mind can have a hard on that’s as raging as anyone else’s.

-Do it somewhere nasty

-Put on a good visual show. When you’re sucking, remember that your playmate is getting off largely on imagination.

-Use your hand to push the base of the dick into the blowjob receiver’s pelvis

-If you can deep throat, do it

-Treat the dildo like a real penis

-If you like using condoms… show-off that safe sex trick in which you roll the condom off with your mouth

-A finger in the ass is a potentially mind blowing complement for receivers of any gender

Dried Baby Organ Dispensary – 10-20-06

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DBOD brught to you by Wood Pipes & Ivan Dihoff

Welcome to the Dried Baby Organ Dispensary. Here at the D.B.O.D. we pride ourselves on collecting and recommending only the freshest of jams to smoke your babies to.

I would like to open this week’s installment of the D.B.O.D. with a few words of praise for my esteemed colleague and partner in crime, the one and only Ivan Dihoff. Week after week Ivan continues to bring us brilliant and insightful, and brilliantly insightful meditations on some of this year’s most complex musical releases, often with very little time to do so. Ivan; I am unable to articulate the depths of my gratitude. This column would not be possible without you.

Also: I do not typically offer much in the way of a preamble for this column, this is intentional and it is how I usually prefer to conduct business, but this week I do have a few thoughts that I would like to share with you before I get to the reviews.

Firstly, I want to reiterate that I recommend all of the music that I review; I’m not going to waste your time with anything that I don’t think is worth exploring. That said, I would love more than anything for everyone who takes any interest in the music that I review to be able to hear that music. I do however realize that many of these releases might be somewhat difficult to get a hold of. Some of these records, for instance the Fujiya & Miyagi album that I reviewed last week, have yet to see their stateside release.
I have all of the music that I review. Unfortunately my music collection is temporarily off-line, due to a particularly malicious virus that has taken up residence in my computer. Once this problem is fixed and I get things up and running again, everyone connected to the Antioch network will have unlimited access to the entirety of the Dried Baby Organ Dispensary via iTunes.

For those of you outside of the Antioch community who have a little bit of pirate in your blood, there are always file-sharing programs. For PC users I would recommend Soulseek and for Mac’s I hear good things about bit torrent programs.

And, of course, you can always be a good fan and go to the record label’s website and put in an order.

Yo, this is a story stick?

Album of the Week

20061020-beach.jpg Beach House- Beach House
[Carpark :: 2006 ]

In a glass, star-lit ballroom on some deserted beach where it is always autumn, this album plays forever. Old, dusty memories waltz back and forth as you realize just how beautiful the summer was, and it makes your heart ache. Sometimes I find myself overwhelmed by brief moments of clarity where I realize that I am in fact still alive, and I think back to very happy places in my life and I feel sad. That is what this music makes me feel like. The sun never goes down because it is always night here. It’s hellish in a way; a never ending succession of almost and what ifs and once upon a times, and no matter which way you look at it it’s still just you, alone on a beach. I think most of us have had at least a glimpse of that sensation. It is a fairytale gone horribly, awfully wrong, much like the world that we live in and the lives that we pursue. But glory be, we all will die eventually; this music will not. What a nice beach.

Ivan Knows Best…

20061020-ignatz.jpg Ignatz – Ignatz
[ K-RAA-K :: 2006 ]

Wood Pipes:
Have you ever seen an old daguerreotype of a tornado? No? Well neither have I, but that’s kind of what this music kind of looks like in my mind. The album cover, as you may or may not be able to tell, is a picture of a lone house glowing through the darkness, waiting. This is also fairly appropriate imagery. Put the two of those together and you might find yourself with some weird and fantastic scene of a tornado sweeping through an old, candlelit ghost town somewhere on the dark side of the moon. But is the tornado singing to the houses, or are the houses singing to the tornado?

Ivan: I GNATZ
It has become apparent to this reviewer that producing music is an arduous task, by that I mean, “It ain’t easy�. In this C-D (note that A,B have already been eliminated) it is really not until track four (the tracks are in order one to eight, track four is therefore the fourth track), it is, as I was writing (myself just finishing track three), not until this track does actual music become produced.

This “music� consists of various notes following each other rather quickly and in some kind of order. With only a little effort to ignore the rest of life can one actually begin to move slightly to the rhythm and actually predict more or less what notes are forthcoming.

Within this is, of course, lies the appeal of music. In life no one ever does know what the next beat will be and how to protect oneself from it. In good music one does and can actually determine how to move one’s torso, lift a right or left leg, and do strange motions with their arms and hands. Some people otherwise endowed also manage to shake certain prominent parts of their anatomy and therefore add more interest to this reaction to music. I have heard people call this reaction to music “dense�. Maybe only stupid people can do it, I have no opinion on the subject, and I only review music. However I think it is nice for dense people to have something to do.

The last three tracks appear to allow the musicians to relax and just use their instruments at random. At times there are muted voices, someone seemed to be asking for a cigarette or some compound with which to glue certain thinks together, or a container for a house plant. This relaxed end to the C-D, teaches us that there is always some reward after hard work. As they say “ If there’s no smoking, how can you feel the fire?�

Shows This Week:

  • 10/21; Saturday: Wolf Eyes, John Weise, 400 Blows, Lambsbread @ Little Brother’s, 1100 North High Street, Columbus; 8 PM $12 ($10 adv.)
  • 10/23; Monday: Xiu Xiu, Congs For Brums, Dirty Projectors @ Little Brother’s; 8 PM $12 ($10 adv.)
  • 10/25; Wednesday: Del The Funky Homosapien, Mike Relm, Psalm One, Bukue One, A-Plus @ Little Brother’s; 8 PM $15
  • 10/26; Thursday: Gang Gang Dance, El Jesus Demagico @ Little Brother’s; 8 PM $10 ($8 adv.)
  • 10/26; Thursday: Deerhoof, Fog @ Wexner Center for the Arts, 1871 North High Street, Columbus; 9 PM $12

“Get cut!�

-Wood Pipes

Dapper, Posh Partiers Get Down at Black and Tan

By the Cooperative Council for a Non-Wack Social Scene 

20061020-blackandtan1.jpgPhotos By Nicole Bayani 

I never went to prom, and I’m ok with that. More now than ever, seeing as I can someday reflect back upon last Tuesday night’s Black and Tan party and let it fill the hole in my heart left by my premature flight from my high schools hallowed halls. Would prom have served tasty Black and Tans, or been open to the kind of experimental fashion technology showcased at last Tuesday night’s party? I think not. Birch space was sauna hot and sex seeped from the dimmed ceiling lights as classily clad co-eds lubed up each others formal wear with homage’s to Dirty Dancing, and Justin Timberlake’s “Sexy Back� video. Noteworthy dance pairing Barefoot Frank and first year Bethany were seen participating in some sort twisted collegiate hippy mating ritual which involved theatrical interpretive dance, and the little mermaid. I personally am seeking counseling to help expedite the healing process, as Coolio once wisely sung “Too hot. Too hot baby.�

The fashion bar was raised, as Antioch students busted out their Sunday best. Some memorable America’s Next Top Model hopefuls were fourth-year Kendlin, who looked something like an empowered Stepford Wife in vintage red and white skirt-suit, Whitney Stark filling in my prom queen fantasies in vintage homecoming court couture later remarked of the event “ The Party was sloppy.� Morgan Realegaño appeared incognito for the evening, first as an awkward bearded fat man, and later as Megan Homewood. Contrary to Relegaño’s repeated claims, Luke Brennan appeared quite dapper, not at all a “two-bit man in a one-bit suit�. Lauren Hind, in awards show host fashion was spotted in no less than 3 different outfits, when she wasn’t sprinting up and down the stairs from the commons to her dorm room for fashion rehab, she was spotted dancing fervently with Mariel Traiman, who really enjoyed it by the way… to bad Lauren had to cut the party short to go have a conversation with a toilet bowl.

First years were out in droves, and out to impress- Shea Witzo looked remarkable, and made an amicable dance partner with her assertive gyrations. Emma Emmerich looked wicked hot in polka dots as she was spotted dancing up a storm with Daniel McCurdy, who dressed as Rod Stewart for the event. Kelly Ahrens was quoted as saying of the night “It lead to interesting events…� with a distant and nostalgic look in her eyes, where as Jayne had a different and uplifting spin on the evening “ I was happy, it was good and healing. Lots of people together can be good.� I want to send out the following PSA inspired by a first year student who wished to remain anonymous who confided the following to me: “I don’t know if I can handle the pressure, I didn’t know I’d need so many outfits, I think I have to transfer to a regular school.� Don’t worry kids- if all else fails, just wear your unders.

Black and Tan raised the bar for dance theatrics, leaving eyebrows quirked and gossipy drunken text messages scrawled across LCD screens. Marissa Fisher wanted to voice the following plea to the community “A little less ‘Cowabunga’ a little more chumbawumba.� And 2nd year transfer Mariel Traiman wished to send out an apology. “ I may have been a little out of hand… you see my hips don’t lie. There were some gratuitous levels of dance floor near fucking that maybe weren’t in the best taste, I guess I watched too many Prince videos when I was a kid… fuck it. I had a great time, I got to make out.� Her dance partner for the evening Erin Cisewski had a different, more wholesome take on things
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“The best part of the evening was when I turned around and all of a sudden Ryan Clover-Owens just appeared, we started spinning and dancing, it was so fun. I cringe to think how many people were dancing barefoot in my spilled Gin and Tonic. I promise next time Mariel and I will have practiced our Johnny Castle, and Baby moves a little more before the party. I was going to transfer, but now after partying in Birch space, I have something to look forward to for the next three years.� On a more serious note Lauren Hind wished to express the following: “Whoever kicked down my bathroom stall door will be trampled by the hooves of 1,000 horses. Prepare to run or get out your screwdriver and fix it!!�

An interesting component of the night’s goings on was the cage match competitive crowning of “Best Dressed�. The award went to a denim clad mystery woman who looked remarkably like our own Wendy- Lynn Zeldin, who was tragically M.I.A. for the evening. I’d like to use this venue to write a poem to said mystery woman:

Though I don’t know your name, political leanings, or dietary concerns- I know that the sight of you in that smokin’ jumpsuit has turned this jaded cynic into an art critic, baby you’re fine like the lite-brite sunsets my fumbling fingers could never replicate. When global temperature rises, I’ll know it’s not greenhouse gasses but your ass… assets that is, because you remind me of fresh greens, roller derby queens, rompin’ through corn fields, and hazy mid-western days when you know every things going to be ok… want to split a bottle of wine and talk love sometime?

Black and Tan… That was more like it, shout out to the events crew for once again turning fantasy into reality by creating a venue for droves of awkward Antiochians to seizure slide across a dance floor of broken dreams, and new hope resurrected. If we get nothing else from our college career we will always have the pulse pounding flirtation ritual that is an Antioch dance party. When your eyes meet across that crowded floor, and lips get bit, winks get exchanged and futures get written in the stars, you know you are truly alive. When hydration is provided by tasty (and well mixed, thanks Kelly!) gin and tonics which strip you of your inhibitions, and create endless avenues of self expression and opportunities for assof- one-self making… you know you have a purpose, and that purpose is- to dance, or find someone to make out with, whatever your into. I’d like to end this weeks article with a personal anecdote; about 3 years ago, this reporter braved the highways between Colorado and Ohio with thumb out optimism, and a head full of tales of the wonders of Antioch to visit a friend. I arrived and was invited to attend a pajama party. I went dressed modestly in pajama pants, and hiking boots and was immediately met with sensory overload. Everywhere I looked there were scantily clad strangers dancing with uninhibited and awe inspiring passion, I could only stare awkwardly and wonder if I could ever be a part of such a wild, and undiluted community of beautiful wack-job individuals- and now here I am, and I can only hope my ample ass shaking will someday inspire some cute young wallflower to grab life by the ovaries and remember- there is nothing to be shy about. Yeah Antioch community, keep on keeping on. Ya’ll are hot.20061020-blackandtan3.jpg

Horoscopes 10.20.06

CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22-JANUARY 19)

Feeling a little sentimental these days, Capricorn? Maybe wondering whether or not you’re in love? Do you feel like you’ve met the love of your life, and that person makes your heart skip a beat? Oh Capricorn, get your head out of the clouds and your feet back on the ground. Love is a great thing, but can you really handle with the heartbreak right now? There’s time for love later in your life, besides, we know you secretly make out with your senior project. I mean, I know I do…not…er…

Tarot Card: Two of Cups – I want to share the rest of my life with you and only you!!! Slow down Capricorn, you have a tendency to try and move to the next level before it’s time.

AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20-FEBRUARY 18)

I can see clearly now, the rain of squirrels pelting me with nuts is gone. Hey Aquarius, all those problems you thought you had, those weren’t so bad now were they? Didn’t I tell you life would be okay? So your cat died this week, but maybe you’ve got a special someone in your life, and if they aren’t special yet maybe they will be. Try not to focus on the dark times in the past, look towards the potentially blindingly bright ones in the future.

Tarot Card: Six of Swords – Back in my day we had to swim through eel-infested waters and fight off ginormous rats, why are you complaining about a twohour ride in a leaky boat?

PISCES (FEBRUARY 19-MARCH 20)

Have you stepped through the looking glass recently? It may seem that way. Your life might be smoke and mirrors, but you have more sensory organs than your eyes…and I so wasn’t talking about that so put it away, Pisces. In fact, you may want to put it away for this week until you figure out exactly what it is you want from those ever so complicated personal relationships that you always have. Pisces have not known which tail to eat first since the beginning of time. Your friends may have opinions, might be time to listen to them even if you decide not to take it.

Tarot Card: King of Swords – I think I know what’s going on, but let me talk to my advisors first. That’s the first good idea you’ve had all term, nice going.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

And there was much rejoicing throughout the land!!! You seem to be in a much better mood than you’ve been in for a while, go with it. Believe it or not you work better in a good mood so you might be able to get that five-page paper done much quicker than you would have otherwise. Then you can go out and party with the best of them.

Tarot Card: Three of Cups – We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind. This Safety Dance has been sponsored by CG and the manufacturer of Trojan condoms…but not really.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

You and Gemini have swapped positions. You’re the one feeling tied down by life, work, and everything else this week. When’s the last time you had a vacation? No really. We’ll miss you for the week/end you’re gone, but then maybe you’ll be less cranky when you get back. Bring me back a t-shirt, preferably black. Or, ya know, at least a pretty rock. Tarot Card: Eight of Swords – Guh, I’ll never get out of this place! Have you tried recently?

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 21)

It seems like you have quite a few challenges facing you this week. Behind door number one is doom and destruction, and door number too is a vat of acid. You cannot win Gemini, not as long as I write the horoscopes. But actually, your challenges will give you a good chance for some positive, if slightly painful learning experiences. Make sure your claws are properly sharpened before opening any unmarked doors; those are usually the ones with aggressive monsters.

Tarot Card: Seven of Cups (reversed) – So many monsters, so little XP and treasure, but I have to kill them to get to the stuff that’s worth killing.

CANCER (JUNE 22 – JULY 22)

You suddenly have a great deal of ambition this week. That hard shell of yours isn’t soft-boiled after all, at least not yet anyway. Your desire to take on new projects this week may leave you overwhelmed in the future. So make sure you’re only taking on relatively short term projects, or at least things that you know you’ll be able to finish. And if you don’t follow my advice, don’t come sidling up to me expecting a hug or moral support. I prefer my clothing not to be covered in someone else’s mucus, thanks.

Tarot Card: Nine of Cups – You ever been so satisfied, but you go for that extra piece of cheesecake anyway? Do you remember regretting that decision? Go ahead and take the cheesecake, but put it in the mini-ridge for later, otherwise it’s stuffed crab puffs for horoscope-writing Capricorn later.

LEO (JULY 23-AUGUST 22)

You’re ready to leave this stinkin’ place already and you’re going to make a noise about it, dammit. The college sucks, your classes suck, your job sucks, your girlfriend(s)/boyfriend(s) suck in a bad way and life sucks. Pout, pout, pout. Social pressures at Antioch getting you down, thinking about ending it all and moving off to bigger and better things, like OSU? Make a deal with a Capricorn, give me your stuff and I’ll sell it for 100% profit, but at least you won’t have to deal with it, or Antioch, anymore.

Tarot Card: Eight of Cups – I’m sick and tired and I’m not going to take it anymore! Don’t let the door smack you on the way out, and if it does, make sure it hits the flesh parts – it’s just more enjoyable that way.

VIRGO (AUGUST 23-SEPTEMBER 22)

Who do you think you are, a Capricorn? No one said you could try to out do anyone this week, but damned if you aren’t going to try anyway. Considering the influence of the stars and all that mystical crap I’m writing about, you may even succeed. Who knows, you could win my grudging respect at something or other. Yay, Virgo, yay.

Tarot Card: Five of Swords – Hey guys, look how many swords I can carry, can you carry this many, hey…hey guys…where are you going?

LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23-OCTOBER 22)

This term is going fast, and what have you achieved recently? Every time you try to accomplish something it seems like there’s no time for it. It’s all part of the philosophical phenomena known as Being Towards Death. Try not to get so caught up in how little time you have left and more on what you’ve already done. It will at least be some comfort until this overwhelming feeling passes.

Tarot Card: Knight of Swords – Time’s flying by, if I ride faster I might be able to catch up. *die*

SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23-NOVEMBER 21)

Scorpio has been asking me for a good horoscope for weeks. Can’t say I’ve got good news for you this week either, sorry kids. You’ve got a burden to bear and no one in sight to pawn it off on. Luckily your back seems pretty strong these days and it’s nothing you can’t handle. But don’t forget to take a break and take care of yourself every now and again. Hey, I hear they’re doing massage in Wellness now, ever considered getting a quick rub down between study sessions?

Tarot Card: Ten of Wands – All these damned lab classes I’m taking, no time for my own pleasure. My woes line up like bottles of wine on my dresser and I’ll never be able to sell these books back for anything remotely close to what I paid for them, and that God awful Capricorn keeps writing me bad horoscopes!

SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22- DECEMBER 21)

Way to go Sagittarius. This week you’ll be able to get along with people you never thought you would get along with. A little domestic harmony coming your way perhaps? That person in your hall that you’ve hated all term, you know the one, might actually make some concessions about their asshole-ishness. Not rubbing it in their face, no matter how much the Leo deserves it, won’t help you maintain this new found eased social tension. So just go with the flow and start from this week without focusing on the horrific awkwardness earlier in the term.

Tarot Card: Six of Cups – So…you wanna be my friend? But…I thought you hated me. Nah, I’m just a huge dork. Yes you are, Sagittarius.