Nookie With Niko

He Said… She Said…

Welcome back to another cold spring term. “Nookie with Niko” is taking on a new twist this term. We’d like to introduce you to “He” Said / “”She” Said. We’re still talking about sex and politics, but from two different perspectives: the sex nerd’s and the lit nerd’s. We encourage the community to submit questions via email or the Record box. No question is too wild or tame.

NK: Last term I ended on the story of my fi rst porn experience. This is number two. My partner, Milo, and I got in touch with Trouble Royale, the creator or nofauxxx.com. After some conversations, we set up our shoot to become Nofauxxx models. To me this couldn’t have gotten any cooler. Nofauxxx was one of the fi rst radical porn sites that focused on the queer community. You can fi nd their mission statement at: www.nofauxxx.com/tour/mission.htm

MJ: As the saying goes, sex work is the oldest profession. In ancient Assyria and Babylonia, the followers of Ishtar, a goddess of love and benevolence, were the fi rst examples of holy prostitution. They were courtesan priestesses called ishtaritu that enacted the hieros gamos, or sacred marriage. The highest of these sacred prostitutes, the enitum, granted sovereignty to the King through his “marriage” to the goddess.

NK: Milo and I showed up to the shoot, instructed to bring pink and black attire. I was a bit nervous. I was about to fuck and be fucked on camera. Trouble had set up her living room around this plush red velvet couch. This is where we’d fuck. Trouble also had snacks and great music on. The environment was so relaxing. We took some time to sit down and discuss the shoot. We were about to do NoFauxxx’s fi rst video. It was scripted some, but it was real sex, and we really came, a lot.

MJ: Not only were the ancient sacred prostitutes a conduit to the divine, but they were responsible for the fertility of the land. In fact, it became the custom for women, regardless of rank, to serve once in their lives as a courtesan priestess. The fi rst incarnation of Ishtar was as the Sumerian’s Inanna in the second millennium B.C. E. One of the sacred prostitutes, Enheduana, wrote cuneiform poetry- the oldest words by an author whose name is known today.

NK: Our shoot was titled “That Teenage Feeling.” Milo and I were supposed to be high school kids who have crushes on each other. Then Milo was to “be in control” and fuck me before I earned the right to fuck her. We were also dressed in all pink and black, even my harness and cuffs were pink and black. We had a small intro as teenagers talking and then progressing through 1st, 2nd, and 3rd base, ‘til we got to the homerun…

Let me tell you, I sure had to work for it and I’m willing to work for it. First I had to suck Milo’s cock to earn my handcuffed ass fucking. I was expected to take it for a while, have to make sure you get all the angles. I was bent over the couch, handcuffed, Milo behind me, fucking me with the diving rod, and Trouble on the fl oor shooting up between our legs. You know what? I didn’t give a fuck. All I could think about was how hot this was. Then I was reminded about the Hitachi magic wand. A sex toy company had donated all the toys to the shoot and we had a lot of options.

MJ: Mesopotamia’s Gilgamesh epic (around 2,000 B.C.E.), mentions Ishtar’s prophecy of a great fl ood. Sound familiar? The Biblical version is a bastardization of Ishtar’s fl ood. Ishtar, in turn, co-opted it from an earlier Babylonian moon goddess, Nuah, whose name, masculinized, is the obvious root of Noah. Also in Gilgamesh, a temple prostitute, Shamhat, civilizes Enkidu by sleeping with him. NK: I had never used a Hitachi, but I’d heard it’s the Cadillac of vibrators. Many women owe their fi rst orgasms to it. I was really excited to give it a go. The low setting is amazing. The high? It will vibrate your clit right off. This is where I came really hard. Now it was my turn to do some fucking. I slipped on my cock and fucked Milo. We varied the position and ended in the “reverse cowgirl,” kissed, and relaxed. We made some money, did some radical porn, and had hot sex. What could be better?

Our video premiered at Homo A Gogo. Which is a huge queer festival is Seatlle. It went on right before “The Crash Pad,” a great new dyke and trans porn put out by Pink and White Productions. Afterwards an Antioch student even called me to tell me they saw it. I think I turned bright red on the other end of the phone.

MJ: In one Babylonian text, Ishtar aligns herself with the common tavern whore, the harimtu, rather than the sacred ishtaritu. In another she says, “A prostitute compassionate am I.”

This is the last issue of fall term, which means in less than a month I’ll be back at Antioch. I’m very excited to see all my Antioch friends and all the new first years. I hope your first term was wonderful. I’m sure next term brings many surprises and great parties. Let’s hope for a great spring term.

Today I’m coming out. Now I’m sure you are wondering what I, Niko, could possibly be coming out about this time. I’ve come out as so many different things like being queer, trans, and kinky. Now I’ve talked about this topic before, but not from a personal place. I’m not planning on telling my family for a long time, but I think my Antioch community will be supportive. I’m a sex worker and have been for almost a year now. Sex work is a broad term, for me I fall into the porn performer category. Let me tell you about how it all started. Continue reading Nookie with Niko

Nookie with Mimi & Niko

Hi again and welcome! This week I bring you a reprint of my column last term on transgender and genderqueer people and sex. I think this topic is important and I wanted our new community members to have access to this information.

As a self identified genderqueer trans guy this issue is near an dear to my little tranny boi heart. I want to remind everyone that every trans person is different. I cannot represent everybody. I will do my best to provide you an accurate overview and some personal insight. Thanks and enjoy!

So, what do you do when the person you are interested in is trans? Here at Antioch we want to do our best support people’s identities and treat people well. We do our best to not fuck up pronouns, but it’s even more important to hold yourself accountable if you are sleeping with a trans person.

Firsts it’s important to talk about how we ask questions. What is appropriate and inappropriate to ask? Here a few personal examples of bad questions to ask:

How big are your breasts/cock?

So you are really a woman/man, right?

Good questions to ask are:

What pronoun do you prefer?

What do you like in bed?

It’s scary when the other person’s questions are only about your body, not your body AND you. It’s called exoticfication, and it doesn’t feel good. The best thing you can do is treat the person like a person, not a piece of meat. Make sure you are interested in the person, not just the identity.

There are a lot of body considerations when it comes to trans people. It’s important to ask what places are off limits. Some transwomen don’t ever use their biological parts, same with transmen. Some still love to have them touched. Some always wear a dick, some don’t. Everyone is different. It’s also important ask how each body part should be touched. For example:

Only touch me above the nipple line

Don’t cup my breasts

Don’t be afraid, this is so important for a trans person’s comfort. It’s also very SOPP friendly.

A lot of us have different names for our body parts. Here are some examples, at least for the transmasculine spectrum, I have complied from talking with friends:

Man Titties

Man breasts

Man goods

Boy hole (my personal favorite)

Man pussy

For all trans people it’s important to validate their bodies, much like you validate their identity. Treat transwomen’s bodies as female. Treat transmen’s bodies as male. Tell her how hot her curves are, or that she’s got beautiful breasts. When in doubt ask! Yes, it’s intimidating. But I would much rather have that discussion outside the sheets rather than in them.

It’s also useful to reinterpret how you see body parts. Yeah, I may have been born with a cunt and a clit. But it’s my boyhole and cock now. This is how I view my body and expect my partners to respect this. It’s about changing how you see things. These terms may also change with time, so check in.

Another thing to consider is a person level of transition. Hormones change your body a lot and affect your comfort level. In my situation, my girlfriend, Mimi has watched me change in way no one else has or ever be able to. She stands by my side and has to deal with all the changes too. She supports me and encourages me. So please be supportive of your trans fuck buddies or partners. It’s also important that we, as trans people, are supportive of how our partners are feeling about things too. For those of us new to hormones our body is in a constant state of transition. This is an intense thing for all parties involved.

Not to mention a person’s body perception changes a lot. It took me a lot longer to believe I look liked boy than it did for most of the people in my life. It took me forever to get used to Niko and male pronouns. I’ve gone by Nikki and she for 20 years; it’s weird when that shift happens. Amazing but strange. Communication and Support are the two best things you can do to negotiate sex between you and a trans person, as with anyone. Now to my partner, Mimi …..

Hi all and welcome to the partner-portion of Nookie with Niko. My name is Mimi and some of you might remember me from my brief stint as an Antioch Student in Fall ’05. But now on to what we all care about- how to have sex with a trans person.

I think first and foremost, the bottom line is communication. Communication is probably the most overused word in sex advice articles- but it’s true. You should be able to ask your lover what he/she likes and wants, and respect that, regardless of their sex or gender. Of course, if you are sleeping with a partner regularly, over time you will learn what is and isn’t okay, but at first keep it simple and don’t make assumptions (the same could be said for pronoun usage, gender identity, the list goes on and on).

The most valuable thing I’ve learned about sex and bodies is that the fetus starts out in the same form, regardless of its future sex. As the fetus matures, the extra X or Y chromosome takes affect, testosterone and estrogen are added to the mix, and the genitalia begin to develop towards one end of the spectrum. The binary “male” and “female” are actually just the two farthest ends of a spectrum that has many in-betweens.

The point of all this is that a word is only a word. A clit is what happens to the tip of the penis if there’s no Y chromosome in the fetus. Testes are essentially ovaries; there is a female equivalent to the prostate (called Skene’s gland!). What this means is that whatever your trans partner wants his/her genitals called, they will essentially perform the same function. If you can get over the idea that a clit is a clit is a clit, then anything can be what you call it.

Of course, playing with toys can be a great addition to any sex life, and may enhance the idea of “traditional notions” of what a cock is. I’ve compiled a list of Strap-On Blowjob tips from Sex Toys 101: A Playfully Uninhibited Guide, written by Rachel Venning and Claire Cavanah, to get you started.

-Use a realistic cock… For decent dick sucking you need a sexy number with a clearly defined shaft and head and veins and balls if possible.

-Think psychic dick. Although it’s not a flesh and blood penis, your mind can have a hard on that’s as raging as anyone else’s.

-Do it somewhere nasty

-Put on a good visual show. When you’re sucking, remember that your playmate is getting off largely on imagination.

-Use your hand to push the base of the dick into the blowjob receiver’s pelvis

-If you can deep throat, do it

-Treat the dildo like a real penis

-If you like using condoms… show-off that safe sex trick in which you roll the condom off with your mouth

-A finger in the ass is a potentially mind blowing complement for receivers of any gender

Nookie with Niko

Hello. . Before I my start my over-sexed advice column I’d like to take a moment to thank Danny Solis. He took the time to post a beautifully written letter on Pulse, even after moving away and graduating. Danny was a leader in this community; it’s good to see him still involved. We need more people to set it up. I’d also like to thank those having a dialogue about it. So many people are afraid to voice their opinions now, but it’s what we’ve got to fight with. Staff, the students, faculty, and we are Antioch. It is our responsibility to preserve our college. Not to mention we are in a crucial point in our history and we have the chance to shape that. Step up, fight back, and hold on to the Antioch that the generations know and love.

Okay, okay onto the sex…

This week I bring you scary sex urban legends and rumors, and the truth behind them in celebration of Friday the 13th. As someone born on the 13th and had many wonderful birthdays on this so called unlucky day I hope to use this as a time to dispel the myth of danger that will ensue on the 13th. I understand the creepiness, but it seems to me our society perpetuates fear of Friday the 13th. Paraskevidekatriaphobics is the name for those irrationally afraid on Friday the 13th. Yeah they even have their own name. Did you know that some building even leave out a 13th floor? 13 is considered a creepy number all over. Before I get carried away though, here cum the top 8 sex urban legends!

#8
Male-bodied people getting pregnant? Ever seen the movie Junior? It’s a comedy about Arnold, California’s governor,, who gets knocked up. I’m sorry but I just don’t think he could actually handle it. This well-known hoax traveled through cyber space and fooled thousands. Thought they aren’t considerate enough to say male bodied over men. Check out www.malepregnancy.com to get the full scoop. The site is pretty convincing, but still a fake. Needless to say male bodies can’t get pregnant, yet. Maybe one day, but for now only female-bodied people can carry children.

#7
May I have your attention please! Ogling breast does NOT increase men’s life spans. An email referencing a fake article in the New England Journal of Medicine started going around in 2000. The article spoke of study that confirmed that men who ogle breast have increased life spans. Come on, couldn’t they think of a better way to make this behavior seem okay? Needless to say it wasn’t too hard to figure out it was a fake. The email can be found at: urbanlegends.about.com/library/weekly/ aa072600a.htm?once=true&

#6
I heard lots of bad ideas about different types of contraceptives, like reusing condoms. Though this one is about Mountain Dew. Yeah that super sugary Pepsi product. Apparently sugar and caffeine can keep you from getting pregnant. If that were true you would think my two cups of coffee in the morning would do the trick. The idea is that Mountain Dew decreases men’s sperm count thus making pregnancy impossible. It’s only take one sperm to get someone pregnant. This one’s been around since the 90’s. I know I heard it growing up. Millions of youth and young adults actually bought this. Here’s another blaring reason to have comprehensive sex education in high schools. But that’s a whole other rant.

#5
Another internet rumor was about getting head. A rumor popped up claiming that women who suck cock on a regular basis have lower rates of breast cancer. So basic idea is women get out there, suck a lot of cock, now! Obviously men wrote this and the breast article. Another fucked up way to justify objectifying and using women. I heard this rumor in school and different variations, such as semen is very healthy for you. When it comes to giving and getting great head the only benefits is reduced stress, pleasure, and hopefully an orgasm. Personally I think those are more than enough.

#4
Did you happen to see the fake Puma ads that came out a while ago? Check them out. This sprung up and caused quite a ruckus. Nice shoe’s, but what’s that on your leg?

#3
People love their butts. People love sticking things in their butts. Despite there being a big anal taboo, many people love to stick things in their assholes. If there is one thing I hope people will learn, it is that if you are going to put anything in your butt it MUST have a flared base. The anus will literally suck in a toy, and you’ll have no way of getting it out without going to the doctor. Despite many rumors doctors have found over 140 different objects inside people’s asses. Such as light bulbs, plantains, curling irons, baseballs, shampoo bottles, a cattle horn, a frozen pig’s tail, and a tobacco pouch. For the sick and twisted perverts, like me, who want to see the whole list go to: www.well.com/user/cynsa/newbutt.html

#2
Would you believe it if someone told you that there are actual people fighting against breast-feeding? Stating it’s an “incestual and immoral perversion.�? At least a good portion of America bought this prank. Could you imagine? Seems to me we have better things to rally against, especially at Antioch.

#1
Masturbation will make you go blind or grow hair on your palms. Who hasn’t heard these rumors? For the record this is absolutely not true. Masturbation is great and healthy; everyone should do it all the time. Literally. Maybe Antioch would be a better place if people just got off more often!

See you next week!

Nookie with Niko

Welcome back to another beautiful fall term everyone. Too bad I’m not there, but I think I’ll manage in the city that never sleeps. For me that because of all the sex I’m having. A big hello to all of our new community members, the first years. Enjoy your term, fall term is always fun. Fight the good fight and support your community and your wonderful CG (Levi B., Melody, and Hope).

Anyways I’m Niko, your friendly over sexed sexpert. I’m queer. I’m trans. I’m kinky and I am a SFSI certified sex educator (www.sfsi. org). I am currently off on co-op in the grand old city of New York. Last term I had the privilege of being Antioch’s sex expert. I am proudly returning this term, via the big city, to provide you sex advice. Occasionally you’ll hear from my partner, Mimi. She is also a SFSI certified sex educator. It’s good to have different opinions.

Feel free to send me questions. I’ll do my best to answer them all in a honest, accurate, funny and vulgar way. Any topic is fair game. Feel free to be as kinky as you want to be. Drop me and email or put your questions in the Record box at community meeting.

For the term’s first issue I have been asked to focus on our community’s values. Specifically the Sexual Offense Prevention Policy and what it means to live in a sex positive community. These are not only words on a piece of paper. It’s how we choose to lives our lives. I, for one, think we better of because of it.

Learn to love the SOPP. Live it, breathe it, do it. Not just because it’s part of Antioch’s community standards, but because you want to be a sex radical. Trust me, we have better sex than everyone else. The real reason to love the SOPP is that it teaches you to love yourself and others. The SOPP is about respect, for yourself and your partner. It’s important to always respect yourself and your partner, especially when it comes to sex. Whether it’s a fuck buddy or your partner of years you deserve to feel safe and respected.

So how do you respect your partner or partners?

COMMUNICATION!

I know people sometimes think the SOPP asks too much or that it’s awkward to ask each step of the way but it’s worth it. Once you try you’ll be surprised how easy it really is. Anyways it’s not a good idea to just “think�? something is ok with someone, or worse believe it’s okay because you are fucked up on some sort of something. Assumptions make an ass out of you and I. I know you have all heard this before, so don’t do it. Who wants to wake up the next morning and feel violated or that they violated someone, no one. Be safe, talk, talk, talk!

So how does one talk about sex?

Yeah, it can feel awkward and honestly most of us haven’t been given the skills to talk about sex effectively. Sex education is shit. Now is your chance to work on those skills and learn more about your body and sex. First start by making a list of what you are not okay with someone doing to you, aka your boundaries. I realize this can vary person to person, but having a general list is useful.

Is it okay if they suck your cock?

Is it okay if they fuck your ass, but not your pussy?

Is it ok for them to kiss you?

Figure out your NO’s. Now think about what you are okay with doing to someone.

Do you love rimming, but won’t lick someone’s balls?

Do you not like licking pussy (though who doesn’t,)?

Do you not like people to cum on you?

Your boundaries are important. They should be talked about. Don’t let someone pressure you out of a boundary. If they do it’s a good sign that you shouldn’t have sex with them. Also talk about what sex means to you. Everyone has a different definition, especially with all the kink at Antioch. You don’t want to miscommunicate about a BDSM scene, but that’s a whole other topic. Please feel free to make this sexy. Talking about sex can make you wet and hard. It can be amazing foreplay!

Another vital aspect of the SOPP is safer sex! Everyone has a different idea of safer sex. To me it means dental dams, condoms, gloves and so on with anyone who isn’t my primary partner. Though together we don’t use anything, we are fluid bonded. I have assessed my risk levels and made a decision based on what makes my partner and I comfortable. I do recommend condoms especially for any type of penetration, since this is the activity with the highest rates of sexually transmitted infection transfer. It’s especially high with ass sex. So unless it’s a silicone dildo fucking your ass please wrap it up. It’s always a good idea to use lots of latex and talk about with your partner before you get naked. It’s easier then.

5 good rules for hot safe and consensual sex:

1. Respect yourself and your partner always

2. Communicate about your boundaries

3. Communicate what safer sex means to you

4. Communicate about what sex means to you

5. And above all NO always means NO

Now what the hell does it mean to live in a sex positive community?

Being sex positive means being committed to sex education and activism. It means being open to the ideas of BDSM, polyamory, queerness, trans issues, celibacy, safe sex, and so on. In a sex positive community anything goes as long as it’s safe, fun, and consensual. When it comes down to it if a person is happy with what they are doing, or not doing, free from pressure all is good. To me being sex positive also includes working for the rights of sex workers. These people are prostitutes, porn stars, escorts, exotic dancers, pro dommes, phone sex workers, and the list goes on. They all sell sex in some way, shape, or form. They aren’t given a lot of credit or respect. I think, and so do lots of people, they deserve much respect.

Remember college is a time to expand your horizons and learn many new things. This goes for sex too. Be safe, be consensual, and have lots of fun. Experiment, explore your boundaries, read about sex, and fuck, fuck, fuck.

Happy fucking Antioch and I hope you all enjoy Fall term and each other!