Nookie with Niko

20060915-nookie.jpgWelcome back to another beautiful fall term everyone. Too bad I’m not there, but I think I’ll manage in the city that never sleeps. For me that because of all the sex I’m having. A big hello to all of our new community members, the first years. Enjoy your term, fall term is always fun. Fight the good fight and support your community and your wonderful CG (Levi B., Melody, and Hope).

Anyways I’m Niko, your friendly over sexed sexpert. I’m queer. I’m trans. I’m kinky and I am a SFSI certified sex educator (www.sfsi. org). I am currently off on co-op in the grand old city of New York. Last term I had the privilege of being Antioch’s sex expert. I am proudly returning this term, via the big city, to provide you sex advice. Occasionally you’ll hear from my partner, Mimi. She is also a SFSI certified sex educator. It’s good to have different opinions.

Feel free to send me questions. I’ll do my best to answer them all in a honest, accurate, funny and vulgar way. Any topic is fair game. Feel free to be as kinky as you want to be. Drop me and email or put your questions in the Record box at community meeting.

For the term’s first issue I have been asked to focus on our community’s values. Specifically the Sexual Offense Prevention Policy and what it means to live in a sex positive community. These are not only words on a piece of paper. It’s how we choose to lives our lives. I, for one, think we better of because of it.

Learn to love the SOPP. Live it, breathe it, do it. Not just because it’s part of Antioch’s community standards, but because you want to be a sex radical. Trust me, we have better sex than everyone else. The real reason to love the SOPP is that it teaches you to love yourself and others. The SOPP is about respect, for yourself and your partner. It’s important to always respect yourself and your partner, especially when it comes to sex. Whether it’s a fuck buddy or your partner of years you deserve to feel safe and respected.

So how do you respect your partner or partners?

COMMUNICATION!

I know people sometimes think the SOPP asks too much or that it’s awkward to ask each step of the way but it’s worth it. Once you try you’ll be surprised how easy it really is. Anyways it’s not a good idea to just “think? something is ok with someone, or worse believe it’s okay because you are fucked up on some sort of something. Assumptions make an ass out of you and I. I know you have all heard this before, so don’t do it. Who wants to wake up the next morning and feel violated or that they violated someone, no one. Be safe, talk, talk, talk!

So how does one talk about sex?

Yeah, it can feel awkward and honestly most of us haven’t been given the skills to talk about sex effectively. Sex education is shit. Now is your chance to work on those skills and learn more about your body and sex. First start by making a list of what you are not okay with someone doing to you, aka your boundaries. I realize this can vary person to person, but having a general list is useful.

Is it okay if they suck your cock?

Is it okay if they fuck your ass, but not your pussy?

Is it ok for them to kiss you?

Figure out your NO’s. Now think about what you are okay with doing to someone.

Do you love rimming, but won’t lick someone’s balls?

Do you not like licking pussy (though who doesn’t,)?

Do you not like people to cum on you?

Your boundaries are important. They should be talked about. Don’t let someone pressure you out of a boundary. If they do it’s a good sign that you shouldn’t have sex with them. Also talk about what sex means to you. Everyone has a different definition, especially with all the kink at Antioch. You don’t want to miscommunicate about a BDSM scene, but that’s a whole other topic. Please feel free to make this sexy. Talking about sex can make you wet and hard. It can be amazing foreplay!

Another vital aspect of the SOPP is safer sex! Everyone has a different idea of safer sex. To me it means dental dams, condoms, gloves and so on with anyone who isn’t my primary partner. Though together we don’t use anything, we are fluid bonded. I have assessed my risk levels and made a decision based on what makes my partner and I comfortable. I do recommend condoms especially for any type of penetration, since this is the activity with the highest rates of sexually transmitted infection transfer. It’s especially high with ass sex. So unless it’s a silicone dildo fucking your ass please wrap it up. It’s always a good idea to use lots of latex and talk about with your partner before you get naked. It’s easier then.

5 good rules for hot safe and consensual sex:

1. Respect yourself and your partner always

2. Communicate about your boundaries

3. Communicate what safer sex means to you

4. Communicate about what sex means to you

5. And above all NO always means NO

Now what the hell does it mean to live in a sex positive community?

Being sex positive means being committed to sex education and activism. It means being open to the ideas of BDSM, polyamory, queerness, trans issues, celibacy, safe sex, and so on. In a sex positive community anything goes as long as it’s safe, fun, and consensual. When it comes down to it if a person is happy with what they are doing, or not doing, free from pressure all is good. To me being sex positive also includes working for the rights of sex workers. These people are prostitutes, porn stars, escorts, exotic dancers, pro dommes, phone sex workers, and the list goes on. They all sell sex in some way, shape, or form. They aren’t given a lot of credit or respect. I think, and so do lots of people, they deserve much respect.

Remember college is a time to expand your horizons and learn many new things. This goes for sex too. Be safe, be consensual, and have lots of fun. Experiment, explore your boundaries, read about sex, and fuck, fuck, fuck.

Happy fucking Antioch and I hope you all enjoy Fall term and each other!