women - THE RECORD

Nookie with Mimi & Niko

Hi again and welcome! This week I bring you a reprint of my column last term on transgender and genderqueer people and sex. I think this topic is important and I wanted our new community members to have access to this information.

As a self identified genderqueer trans guy this issue is near an dear to my little tranny boi heart. I want to remind everyone that every trans person is different. I cannot represent everybody. I will do my best to provide you an accurate overview and some personal insight. Thanks and enjoy!

So, what do you do when the person you are interested in is trans? Here at Antioch we want to do our best support people’s identities and treat people well. We do our best to not fuck up pronouns, but it’s even more important to hold yourself accountable if you are sleeping with a trans person.

Firsts it’s important to talk about how we ask questions. What is appropriate and inappropriate to ask? Here a few personal examples of bad questions to ask:

How big are your breasts/cock?

So you are really a woman/man, right?

Good questions to ask are:

What pronoun do you prefer?

What do you like in bed?

It’s scary when the other person’s questions are only about your body, not your body AND you. It’s called exoticfication, and it doesn’t feel good. The best thing you can do is treat the person like a person, not a piece of meat. Make sure you are interested in the person, not just the identity.

There are a lot of body considerations when it comes to trans people. It’s important to ask what places are off limits. Some transwomen don’t ever use their biological parts, same with transmen. Some still love to have them touched. Some always wear a dick, some don’t. Everyone is different. It’s also important ask how each body part should be touched. For example:

Only touch me above the nipple line

Don’t cup my breasts

Don’t be afraid, this is so important for a trans person’s comfort. It’s also very SOPP friendly.

A lot of us have different names for our body parts. Here are some examples, at least for the transmasculine spectrum, I have complied from talking with friends:

Man Titties

Man breasts

Man goods

Boy hole (my personal favorite)

Man pussy

For all trans people it’s important to validate their bodies, much like you validate their identity. Treat transwomen’s bodies as female. Treat transmen’s bodies as male. Tell her how hot her curves are, or that she’s got beautiful breasts. When in doubt ask! Yes, it’s intimidating. But I would much rather have that discussion outside the sheets rather than in them.

It’s also useful to reinterpret how you see body parts. Yeah, I may have been born with a cunt and a clit. But it’s my boyhole and cock now. This is how I view my body and expect my partners to respect this. It’s about changing how you see things. These terms may also change with time, so check in.

Another thing to consider is a person level of transition. Hormones change your body a lot and affect your comfort level. In my situation, my girlfriend, Mimi has watched me change in way no one else has or ever be able to. She stands by my side and has to deal with all the changes too. She supports me and encourages me. So please be supportive of your trans fuck buddies or partners. It’s also important that we, as trans people, are supportive of how our partners are feeling about things too. For those of us new to hormones our body is in a constant state of transition. This is an intense thing for all parties involved.

Not to mention a person’s body perception changes a lot. It took me a lot longer to believe I look liked boy than it did for most of the people in my life. It took me forever to get used to Niko and male pronouns. I’ve gone by Nikki and she for 20 years; it’s weird when that shift happens. Amazing but strange. Communication and Support are the two best things you can do to negotiate sex between you and a trans person, as with anyone. Now to my partner, Mimi …..

Hi all and welcome to the partner-portion of Nookie with Niko. My name is Mimi and some of you might remember me from my brief stint as an Antioch Student in Fall ’05. But now on to what we all care about- how to have sex with a trans person.

I think first and foremost, the bottom line is communication. Communication is probably the most overused word in sex advice articles- but it’s true. You should be able to ask your lover what he/she likes and wants, and respect that, regardless of their sex or gender. Of course, if you are sleeping with a partner regularly, over time you will learn what is and isn’t okay, but at first keep it simple and don’t make assumptions (the same could be said for pronoun usage, gender identity, the list goes on and on).

The most valuable thing I’ve learned about sex and bodies is that the fetus starts out in the same form, regardless of its future sex. As the fetus matures, the extra X or Y chromosome takes affect, testosterone and estrogen are added to the mix, and the genitalia begin to develop towards one end of the spectrum. The binary “male” and “female” are actually just the two farthest ends of a spectrum that has many in-betweens.

The point of all this is that a word is only a word. A clit is what happens to the tip of the penis if there’s no Y chromosome in the fetus. Testes are essentially ovaries; there is a female equivalent to the prostate (called Skene’s gland!). What this means is that whatever your trans partner wants his/her genitals called, they will essentially perform the same function. If you can get over the idea that a clit is a clit is a clit, then anything can be what you call it.

Of course, playing with toys can be a great addition to any sex life, and may enhance the idea of “traditional notions” of what a cock is. I’ve compiled a list of Strap-On Blowjob tips from Sex Toys 101: A Playfully Uninhibited Guide, written by Rachel Venning and Claire Cavanah, to get you started.

-Use a realistic cock… For decent dick sucking you need a sexy number with a clearly defined shaft and head and veins and balls if possible.

-Think psychic dick. Although it’s not a flesh and blood penis, your mind can have a hard on that’s as raging as anyone else’s.

-Do it somewhere nasty

-Put on a good visual show. When you’re sucking, remember that your playmate is getting off largely on imagination.

-Use your hand to push the base of the dick into the blowjob receiver’s pelvis

-If you can deep throat, do it

-Treat the dildo like a real penis

-If you like using condoms… show-off that safe sex trick in which you roll the condom off with your mouth

-A finger in the ass is a potentially mind blowing complement for receivers of any gender

No Sex In The City

by Marjorie Jensen

A personal tragedy has overshadowed my ongoing deconstruction of privilege. There are wars overseas I could be discussing. “Community Government�? is an AdCil agenda item. But I have to speak about the dead. I hope my prose-form elegy will move you, dear reader, to feel some empathy (or sympathy, as the case may be).

I mourn the loss of a loved one. It is an unfamiliar death. Last Saturday, at the penultimate moment of passion, my vibrator died. I have had to revive my most constant and loyal lover with the occasional battery or two, but death was never this permanent before. No matter how much I shook with tears in my eyes, I could not bring life back.

Now, you have to understand how long we have been together. I spotted this pink, sparkly piece of ecstasy over six years ago. Others have tempted me, but I usually couldn’t afford them anyway. Mine was uncomplicated, somewhat realistic, the perfect size. Reliable, you know. It never changed between us. Things were never awkward.

I never expected my most steadfast lover to abandon me in the city, to leave me alone so suddenly in a cold (and windy) metropolis. I have fretful dreams. Nights seem longer. I am uncomforted, frustrated. The loss of something without life leaves me mystified. How do I cope with this unexpected loss? Does everyone grieve differently?

I suppose I should think of it as an opportunity to buy something I’ve really wanted, something special and new. But the obsession with the familiar is unshakable. I crave the one I know and have loved. How do I find another exactly like the one that has died? I live with wanting and waiting. I hesitate to replace, to dismiss.

I have to escape somehow, forget my loss, and begin to love again. I live under the cruel, Petrarchan hand of the subject of my research- Elizabeth Regina. She speaks of a perfect courtier that pursues her with no intent to capture. I see her everywhere. She permeates my textsher gendered rhetoric correlating Twelfth Night to The Maid’s Tragedy. In all their women I see her words reflected. “To think of making love by sentiments!�? Sterne speaks to me from the reading for class tomorrow, mocking not only the conventions of travel literature. I’ve been trying to seduce with words Gloriana of Spenser’s imagination; the ultimately unattainable woman outside my text. She is a signature under my hand, a poem written in Latin. I have only remnants.

While this Renaissance Queen has captured my days, my nights still beg to be filled. I work late hours on the weekend, playing hacky-sack, in Jimmy John’s apron and all, to fill the quiet before the storm hits at about 2am. My co-workers make me forget in my laughter. We make enough in our tip jar to go out for breakfast. We close the store as the morning crew unlocks the door behind us.

I mindlessly enter data in my comfortable cube in the Development office at the Newberry after events. Before bed, I try yoga, familiar movies, drinks with kids from JJ’s. Nothing eases me into sleep. I lie awake and remember years together, unfailing, perfect, effortless. I know I have to find another to make this cycle of half-living end.

Coming to the end of this conceit, I find I have no more euphemisms to shroud my loss. I’ll invoke New-Age magic to heal me. Hitachi’s wand awaits me online. I’m sure my quest will have a happy ending.

Potluck for Choice Stirs Up Support

By: Jeremie M. Jordan and Bella Vilshanetskaya

On January 22nd of 1973 it was decided that banning the right to choose to have an abortion violates the constitutional rights of women. Thirty three years later, we are still arguing about it, but recently a change has come along.

On November 7th, the state of South Dakota will be deciding whether or not to outlaw abortion. Because our campus is peppered with wonderful women who believe in women’s rights, this past Friday, October 6th, there was a Potluck for Choice held in Spalt 007. Great effort was put in by the Womyn’s Center coordinators Beth Jones and Meredith Root. The 25ish guests in attendance were asked to donate at least one dollar to help support Planned Parenthood of South Dakota to fight this preposterous proposal. The food was reportedly yummy as well. On the subject of the ban, a student in attendance said, “The implications of the government putting laws on our bodies go far beyond one’s personal stance on abortion.�? It’s not about babies, it’s about choice. Small people behind big desks shouldn’t be able to make our decisions for us. It is one of the goals of the Womyn’s Center to educate not only females, but the entire campus about issues concerning and affect- ing women today.

Pro-choicers have their cake and eat it, too.
Photo by Kari Thompson

The abortion ban would outlaw all abortions other than the follow-ing circumstance: If the pregnancy endangers the life of the mother. Silly excuses such as other health concerns, cases of rape, and cases of incest will not be tolerated. (I wonder how the supporters of this law would feel if their twelve or thirteen year old daughter was sexually assaulted and got pregnant as a result.) To make sure that nobody is doing anything that they shouldn’t be, a doctor could face five years in prison for performing an illegal abortion. In February, the South Dakota Legislator passed the abortion ban with ease. In order to avoid a lawsuit that would cause the courts to endlessly rehash Roe v. Wade, pro-life supporters collected signatures and the ban was placed on the ballot. In the most recent poll found, 47 percent of South Dakota voters opposed the ban, 39 percent supported it, and 14 percent stand undecided. If the ban included exceptions for rape and incest, support would be 59 percent. If the pro-choice population dominates the results, the pro-life population will include exceptions for rape and incest and put the issue up for vote again. continued ….p13 The state of the Womyn’s Center of Antioch is not alone in this fight. Nationwide, over 200 potlucks have been held so far and more are being planned. Potlucks for choice are not the only opposition to the South Dakota abortion ban out there today. The holders of the potlucks want us to think of our sisters, our aunts, our mothers, our daughters (for those of us who have offspring), our cousins, and all of the other women in our lives and how this will constrict their rights. Abortion is not a method of birth control but it needs to remain a choice. The pro-lifers seem to be catching up to us; we need to find larger artillery. Perhaps the Record’s “Munition of the Week�? can help us out with that. Just kidding, we don’t want to shoot them, we just want them to see it our way.

Bright pink armbands and their explanation were handed out at the potluck. Betty Friedan, a student at Wellesley, organized a facebook group called “I’m Wearing an Armband for Choice�?. The group suggests selling armbands made of hot pink cloth at a suggested donation, the profits of which will go to the Planned Parenthood Action fund of Minnesota and South Dakota, to help educate the voters. Donations from the “Armband for Choice�? and the Potlucks will be sent to:

PPMNS Action Fund
Attn: Allison F.
1200 Lagoon Ave.
Minneapolis, MN 55408

Personal donations can be sent to the address above as well. If the ban passes in South Dakota, the trend will waterfall through the rest of the country. Our beloved president supports this ban. How would he feel if he was pregnant? Mr. President would probably reply “I’m a man, I can’t get pregnant.�? He would become a prolifer in a heartbeat if one of his precious baby girls got pregnant. First he won’t send them to war, next he will be protecting them from the world (more so than he already does). He is a man behind a big desk in a big white house who thinks he can control the choices of women, whose population he couldn’t begin to count (he can’t count that high). Educate yourself, so that you can know where you stand on every issue that affects you and those issues which you feel passionate about.

Freaks and Geeks

or Where the hell was everyone last Friday night?

By the cooperative council for a non-wack social scene
Photos by Kari Thompson

Last Friday night’s party had a slew of campus Freaks and/or Geeks crawling out of their respective crevices stashed throughout the dampest dungeons, and most studious corners of Antioch Campus.

Birch space was transformed into the middle school auditorium dance space of our dreams, and I personally found it hard not to revert to the pre-pubescent wallflowerish tendencies of my youth as my eyes were met with a bevy of familiar faces transformed into caricatures of S&M sex sluts, and D&D dorkbags. Special shout outs go to J Switlick- D.J. spinster extraordinaire for holding it down on the tables for upwards of 2 hours, and playing my hearts secret anthem- yeah, never mind all the posturing, this reporter is searching for a Real Love, just like Mary J. circa 1995.

Megan Homewood & Whitney
Stark reveal surprising inner life

But was the party as Michael Khayat put it so eloquently “Lameo, same-o, no one to blame-o, just like taco bell- different party, same ingredients?�? Or was it another shining example of the stylish debauchery which permeates the underbelly of our fine school? It’s kind of like the way people try purposefully to show up late to things so they won’t be the first ones there, but if no one comes, there is no party. It’s a dangerous cycle, people become disillusioned by the perceived sameness of Friday night parties, and numbers dwindle- yes loyal readers, skin will be bared, pelvises will be ground into each other in a rhythmic humpy fashion, first years will inevitably fall down, but just like vaginas- no two parties are the same. We need numbers, turn out, seriously what else is going on in our sleepy Midwestern hollow? It’s worth showing up if only to see Nate Love dance, and with a broom no less! I bet you’re sorry you missed that.

Some interviewees were more optimistic- or drunk, 2nd year transfer Shauna Pearson reminisced, “ I had a great time. Tequila was the devil, Jameson was like a sub-devil, but Tequila was actually Satan.�? Other part goers were impressed with the effort put into outfits, Patrice Wyman remarked- “ Carrie had a sweet ass outfit, her glasses were fucking sweet… I got really shit faced.�? It goes w i t h o u t saying shit faced was a theme last Friday night, I heard at least two tales of near death experiences. One party goer recalled- “A thump, followed by a red head on the ground.�? And another terrifying tale of death defiance had a certain saran wrapped third year dangling precariously from a third floor window of North, before she was rescued by another heroic third year who was thoughtful enough to pull her back in through a second story window. Yes communityalcohol, plus irresponsibility equals blatant displays of stupid. It’s all right, you can hate me, I’m bulletproof.

For the name dropping portion of my article I will start with Wendy-Lynn Zeldin, resplendent in classy black dress and cute little bow- I have no words, other than: call me. James Kutil, creative as always was begging for a kick in the pants as he shook his cute little ass all over the dance floor, accompanied by Patrice “Gramma�? Wyman who aside from being adorable was eerily reminiscent of the crazy cat lady I grew up down the block from. Meredith “lady on the streets, freak in the sheets�? Root wielded a boa with uncanny expertise as she shook her shit with assassin like precision. First years Jeremiah and Riley impressively shined the dance floor with a rhythmic compulsion that’s still sending chills through my girly parts, and Walid- Oh Walid, who knew six simple words could drip like poetry from your lips and straight into my subconscious, when the world is silent I can still hear you saying “Can I roll up on you?�? what a gentleman. Other notable guests included a goose, a rat-tailed sailor, and Captain Kirk, Chris McKinless’ nipples were unfortunately nowhere to be seen. Mariel Traiman had to say of the evening “ It was fun. People looked good. I got to make out…a lot.�? Her positivity is always appreciated in the sometimes sea of emotive ambivalence, for example when questioned about his feelings on the evening Wesley “Danger�? Hiserman had only to say: “The cigarette wasn’t worth 25 cents�?.

Not to be forgotten were the 4 (by my slightly intoxicated count) women in lab coats. I had no idea Antioch’s pre-med program was so prolific, I felt like I was dodging speculums and bio-technology like Steve Lawry dodges direct questions from the student body… j/k. Please don’t shut us down. Basketball shorts, and domesticated animals on t-shirts were also in high style, Whitney Stark’s “I <3 Horses�? t-shirt still stands out in my mind. Jelesia Clyburn coerced the night into a beautiful finish with her enviable music selection skills, and sent the Antioch freak and geek population stumbling drunkenly back to their beds, to rest their sweaty little heads on their bed bath and beyond pillows, and slip off into the dream world. I feel that a good party is truly revolutionary. Every time we get together and listen to the wisdom of top 40 hip hop and R&B jams, jump, spin, grind, and slink surreptitiously into corners to make out with fervent passionwe prove that we can transcend the bullshit. Every party is direct action- when we come together over the common goal of fun, when we dance in the face of adversity, when we showcase blatant displays of deviant sexuality and dissidence from the status quo of “college party culture�? we become stronger as people, and as a community. Do not write off parties as “same shit, different costumes�? embrace the silliness, and the opportunity to uphold a legacy of true radicalism- for every time a boy slips on a skirt, or some youngin’ gets their first taste of non-monogamy, every time someone finds themselves comfortable enough to dance like a spaz face with a group of co-conspiring spaz faces, we are truly (to quote Gandhi) “Be(ing) the change we wish to see in the world.�? Riding off on my high horse into the sunset- this is the Cooperative council for a non-wack social scene urging you to stop being such a cynical shut in ass hole and come out and dance, cuz you might think you’re to cool for school, but you’re probably not. Except for maybe a couple of you.

Keri gregory looks for freakish slam dunk

Nookie with Niko

Hello. . Before I my start my over-sexed advice column I’d like to take a moment to thank Danny Solis. He took the time to post a beautifully written letter on Pulse, even after moving away and graduating. Danny was a leader in this community; it’s good to see him still involved. We need more people to set it up. I’d also like to thank those having a dialogue about it. So many people are afraid to voice their opinions now, but it’s what we’ve got to fight with. Staff, the students, faculty, and we are Antioch. It is our responsibility to preserve our college. Not to mention we are in a crucial point in our history and we have the chance to shape that. Step up, fight back, and hold on to the Antioch that the generations know and love.

Okay, okay onto the sex…

This week I bring you scary sex urban legends and rumors, and the truth behind them in celebration of Friday the 13th. As someone born on the 13th and had many wonderful birthdays on this so called unlucky day I hope to use this as a time to dispel the myth of danger that will ensue on the 13th. I understand the creepiness, but it seems to me our society perpetuates fear of Friday the 13th. Paraskevidekatriaphobics is the name for those irrationally afraid on Friday the 13th. Yeah they even have their own name. Did you know that some building even leave out a 13th floor? 13 is considered a creepy number all over. Before I get carried away though, here cum the top 8 sex urban legends!

#8
Male-bodied people getting pregnant? Ever seen the movie Junior? It’s a comedy about Arnold, California’s governor,, who gets knocked up. I’m sorry but I just don’t think he could actually handle it. This well-known hoax traveled through cyber space and fooled thousands. Thought they aren’t considerate enough to say male bodied over men. Check out www.malepregnancy.com to get the full scoop. The site is pretty convincing, but still a fake. Needless to say male bodies can’t get pregnant, yet. Maybe one day, but for now only female-bodied people can carry children.

#7
May I have your attention please! Ogling breast does NOT increase men’s life spans. An email referencing a fake article in the New England Journal of Medicine started going around in 2000. The article spoke of study that confirmed that men who ogle breast have increased life spans. Come on, couldn’t they think of a better way to make this behavior seem okay? Needless to say it wasn’t too hard to figure out it was a fake. The email can be found at: urbanlegends.about.com/library/weekly/ aa072600a.htm?once=true&

#6
I heard lots of bad ideas about different types of contraceptives, like reusing condoms. Though this one is about Mountain Dew. Yeah that super sugary Pepsi product. Apparently sugar and caffeine can keep you from getting pregnant. If that were true you would think my two cups of coffee in the morning would do the trick. The idea is that Mountain Dew decreases men’s sperm count thus making pregnancy impossible. It’s only take one sperm to get someone pregnant. This one’s been around since the 90’s. I know I heard it growing up. Millions of youth and young adults actually bought this. Here’s another blaring reason to have comprehensive sex education in high schools. But that’s a whole other rant.

#5
Another internet rumor was about getting head. A rumor popped up claiming that women who suck cock on a regular basis have lower rates of breast cancer. So basic idea is women get out there, suck a lot of cock, now! Obviously men wrote this and the breast article. Another fucked up way to justify objectifying and using women. I heard this rumor in school and different variations, such as semen is very healthy for you. When it comes to giving and getting great head the only benefits is reduced stress, pleasure, and hopefully an orgasm. Personally I think those are more than enough.

#4
Did you happen to see the fake Puma ads that came out a while ago? Check them out. This sprung up and caused quite a ruckus. Nice shoe’s, but what’s that on your leg?

#3
People love their butts. People love sticking things in their butts. Despite there being a big anal taboo, many people love to stick things in their assholes. If there is one thing I hope people will learn, it is that if you are going to put anything in your butt it MUST have a flared base. The anus will literally suck in a toy, and you’ll have no way of getting it out without going to the doctor. Despite many rumors doctors have found over 140 different objects inside people’s asses. Such as light bulbs, plantains, curling irons, baseballs, shampoo bottles, a cattle horn, a frozen pig’s tail, and a tobacco pouch. For the sick and twisted perverts, like me, who want to see the whole list go to: www.well.com/user/cynsa/newbutt.html

#2
Would you believe it if someone told you that there are actual people fighting against breast-feeding? Stating it’s an “incestual and immoral perversion.�? At least a good portion of America bought this prank. Could you imagine? Seems to me we have better things to rally against, especially at Antioch.

#1
Masturbation will make you go blind or grow hair on your palms. Who hasn’t heard these rumors? For the record this is absolutely not true. Masturbation is great and healthy; everyone should do it all the time. Literally. Maybe Antioch would be a better place if people just got off more often!

See you next week!