library - THE RECORD

Nookie with Niko

Hello. . Before I my start my over-sexed advice column I’d like to take a moment to thank Danny Solis. He took the time to post a beautifully written letter on Pulse, even after moving away and graduating. Danny was a leader in this community; it’s good to see him still involved. We need more people to set it up. I’d also like to thank those having a dialogue about it. So many people are afraid to voice their opinions now, but it’s what we’ve got to fight with. Staff, the students, faculty, and we are Antioch. It is our responsibility to preserve our college. Not to mention we are in a crucial point in our history and we have the chance to shape that. Step up, fight back, and hold on to the Antioch that the generations know and love.

Okay, okay onto the sex…

This week I bring you scary sex urban legends and rumors, and the truth behind them in celebration of Friday the 13th. As someone born on the 13th and had many wonderful birthdays on this so called unlucky day I hope to use this as a time to dispel the myth of danger that will ensue on the 13th. I understand the creepiness, but it seems to me our society perpetuates fear of Friday the 13th. Paraskevidekatriaphobics is the name for those irrationally afraid on Friday the 13th. Yeah they even have their own name. Did you know that some building even leave out a 13th floor? 13 is considered a creepy number all over. Before I get carried away though, here cum the top 8 sex urban legends!

#8
Male-bodied people getting pregnant? Ever seen the movie Junior? It’s a comedy about Arnold, California’s governor,, who gets knocked up. I’m sorry but I just don’t think he could actually handle it. This well-known hoax traveled through cyber space and fooled thousands. Thought they aren’t considerate enough to say male bodied over men. Check out www.malepregnancy.com to get the full scoop. The site is pretty convincing, but still a fake. Needless to say male bodies can’t get pregnant, yet. Maybe one day, but for now only female-bodied people can carry children.

#7
May I have your attention please! Ogling breast does NOT increase men’s life spans. An email referencing a fake article in the New England Journal of Medicine started going around in 2000. The article spoke of study that confirmed that men who ogle breast have increased life spans. Come on, couldn’t they think of a better way to make this behavior seem okay? Needless to say it wasn’t too hard to figure out it was a fake. The email can be found at: urbanlegends.about.com/library/weekly/ aa072600a.htm?once=true&

#6
I heard lots of bad ideas about different types of contraceptives, like reusing condoms. Though this one is about Mountain Dew. Yeah that super sugary Pepsi product. Apparently sugar and caffeine can keep you from getting pregnant. If that were true you would think my two cups of coffee in the morning would do the trick. The idea is that Mountain Dew decreases men’s sperm count thus making pregnancy impossible. It’s only take one sperm to get someone pregnant. This one’s been around since the 90’s. I know I heard it growing up. Millions of youth and young adults actually bought this. Here’s another blaring reason to have comprehensive sex education in high schools. But that’s a whole other rant.

#5
Another internet rumor was about getting head. A rumor popped up claiming that women who suck cock on a regular basis have lower rates of breast cancer. So basic idea is women get out there, suck a lot of cock, now! Obviously men wrote this and the breast article. Another fucked up way to justify objectifying and using women. I heard this rumor in school and different variations, such as semen is very healthy for you. When it comes to giving and getting great head the only benefits is reduced stress, pleasure, and hopefully an orgasm. Personally I think those are more than enough.

#4
Did you happen to see the fake Puma ads that came out a while ago? Check them out. This sprung up and caused quite a ruckus. Nice shoe’s, but what’s that on your leg?

#3
People love their butts. People love sticking things in their butts. Despite there being a big anal taboo, many people love to stick things in their assholes. If there is one thing I hope people will learn, it is that if you are going to put anything in your butt it MUST have a flared base. The anus will literally suck in a toy, and you’ll have no way of getting it out without going to the doctor. Despite many rumors doctors have found over 140 different objects inside people’s asses. Such as light bulbs, plantains, curling irons, baseballs, shampoo bottles, a cattle horn, a frozen pig’s tail, and a tobacco pouch. For the sick and twisted perverts, like me, who want to see the whole list go to: www.well.com/user/cynsa/newbutt.html

#2
Would you believe it if someone told you that there are actual people fighting against breast-feeding? Stating it’s an “incestual and immoral perversion.�? At least a good portion of America bought this prank. Could you imagine? Seems to me we have better things to rally against, especially at Antioch.

#1
Masturbation will make you go blind or grow hair on your palms. Who hasn’t heard these rumors? For the record this is absolutely not true. Masturbation is great and healthy; everyone should do it all the time. Literally. Maybe Antioch would be a better place if people just got off more often!

See you next week!

International Student Describes Her First Month at Antioch

Antioch vs. The Rest of the World, Part I: Germany

“Write something about the differences between your home university and Antioch…�? Mmmmh, where am I supposed to start?! Explaining the difference between the German and the American educational system would take me for ever, but to compare Antioch to Tübingen…Let’s begin with the very basics: We don’t pay for university (well, they are going to make us pay 500 euros a term from summer 2007 on, but that’s pretty much nothing compared to tuition in the US). We don’t have to take a certain amount of credits per term (you could do nothing at all or maybe one class, or if you’re absolutely insane, don’t like to sleep and would rather live on coffee 24/7 you could take 30 hours of classes per week; they just expect you to have certain credits after your second year). We divide our academic year into 2 semesters, each followed by a break (2 months after the winter semester and 3 months in summer; technically they are “lecture free times�? and you’re supposed to write term papers, do internships or research projects etc but it’s more like almost half a year of vacation…). We don’t need p.e. credits (if you don’t want to get some exercise after graduating from high school, no one is able to force you to move your body). We have more than one photocopier in our library (copy machines are a student’s best friend… we usually don’t buy expensive textbooks, we just xerox them). Maybe I should stop making you jealous… It seems like we have more freedom, but hey, we don’t get free prints and it usually takes us more than 5 minutes to get to our classrooms… ; )

Katharina Buchter

Students Grumble as Problems Plague IT Department

By Paige Clifton-Steele

The staff knows it and the students notice it: the Information Technology department at Antioch College is understaffed and under-funded. “We’ve had consistency issues. We’ve had authentication issues. And it was generally inconvenient in the beginning,�? says Shea Witzberger, first year. She isn’t alone in her complaints—many Antioch users of WiFi continue to experience similar problems.

According to a June 2002 study released by the Gartner Group, a respected computer-consulting firm, one IT support person is required for every seventy Macintosh computers, or for every forty-five PCs. The Antioch Information Technology department has six people, in addition to one co-op student and the manager of the website, who lives and works out of state. When measured against the approximately 1,200 users who make up Antioch College and Antioch University McGregor, it becomes clear how disproportionate these numbers are. That’s one staff member for every two hundred users.

The implications of this are many. First year students have complained about the wireless in North Hall—mostly about problems that have since been resolved. However, students continue to lament short-term problems with wireless. “I’m glad that they’ve been so helpful with my concerns online, though.�?

Several students report being better able to access support online, while their in-person requests receive less priority. Paul Deardorff, Systems Administrator, acknowledges that questions put to him in his office or the hall may fall by the wayside. “People will come up and say I’m having a problem with this, I’m having a problem with that…And to be honest with you, it’s hard to keep up. It’s much easier for us if someone were to log into the helpdesk and put a helpdesk ticket up.�?

Sometimes, students and staff vary on what constitutes a problem; several students are concerned about privacy policies on First Class, while IT staff would like to handle the issue informally.

“I am concerned about privacy in my First Class Account,�? says Sean Bradley, straight white male first year. “And most people’s initial passwords were logarithms of their names and some fairly consistent number…�?

However, Brown differs, “I don’t know of any policy, but to be honest I don’t see the need for one because every person in the IT department very firmly believes that we don’t mess with your mail unless somebody real, real high up above asks us to.�? At MacGregor, policy states that that person is the president of the school. It remains ambiguous who would have the authority to ask that of the department at the college level.

Cassie Collins, a fourth year co-oping in the department, says, “What I have seen would lead me to believe that there is not [a privacy policy regarding First Class moderation].�? Asked whether she believes there is a call for one, she says yes, qualifying, “But not because anything that IT has done.�?

Another problem hampering the efficiency of the department is its tendency to be pulled into audiovisual maintenance jobs that are not strictly computer related. Collins believes she has a solution: “I think just having one person to handle AV would be useful. Take a coop student, teach them all about the AV, and just have them run AV support.�?

Units, in addition to North Hall, has wireless internet, while Birch and Spalt remain connected with Ethernet. Spalt residents complain of few problems with their internet, but North has suffered a series of setbacks since students arrived in September.

The IT department made changes to the North wireless network just prior to the beginning of the academic school year because of a PHD program residency, but the changes caused problems that went undetected for a few weeks. “There was a difference in firmware between the AP2000 and the AP4000,�? says Tom Brown. “We couldn’t figure it out for a while because we couldn’t see a trend. We had to make the wireless open, available to everyone.�?

During this time, students in North could access the wireless network without a certificate. A few weeks later, it was resecured.

Understaffing isn’t the only problem that plagues the department. On the second floor of the library is a pile of broken computers awaiting disposal. “The village won’t take them because they’re not environmentally safe to dispose of,�? says Brown. Though a few of them were removed when Dylan Reiff took them for use in his show. ‘Robocalypse’ last term, Brown still stays, “I think we need to work with physical plan to make that happen. They’re piling up every time one dies.�?

Asked what makes the IT department at Antioch unique than that of other schools, Deardorff says with pride that the members of the IT department have a variety of degrees and areas of expertise different from the usual computer-related studies. These range from philosophy to English.

Broke

by Marjorie Jensen

As tautological as it may sound, Chicago is an expensive city. Between only the most essential groceries and envelopes marked “Antioch Business Office,�? unexpected bills found me miles from my “current mailing address.�? My pithy checks signed by the President of the Newberry don’t cover half of these costs. I had to find a second job. I wasn’t surprised.

The second store within a few blocks of my apartment with a “Help Wanted�? sign offered Caitlin and I jobs moments after turning in our applications. I am now an exhausted employee of Jimmy John’s sub shop. In fact, I have to leave for work in exactly two hours. Do I like it? It offers me something that the Newberry doesn’t: working-class people.

Now, I’m not implying uneducated. Some of the kids go to various colleges in Chicago. Most are just refreshingly down-to-earth. Take Kenny, one of our delivery drivers (read bike messenger with subs), informing us about where the elastic in his boxers had begun to separate from the rest. Davorah, our manager, asked him to clean the lower racks of the cold table (where we make our subs).

“I told you about my underwear,�? he replied, unwilling to bend over. It breaks up the monotony.

JJ’s is open late on the weekends (by late, I mean until 5am) and we are on Division Street (read one of the most expensive bar districts in Chicago). My Friday nights are spent listening to the mantra of my manager, Matt: “bathrooms are for customers only,�? to the rich, drunken “douchebags�? with popped collars. He changes the CD to Mindless Self Indulgence and sighs as they ignore him.

These are the kids who couldn’t afford to take most of the “public�? programs offered at the Newberry. We have a master schedule in the Development Office’s ‘S’ drive in the computer network. The ‘Sacred and Profane: The Art of the Tale’ workshop that I would love to take is 8 sessions for $160. I couldn’t afford it. I’m only at Antioch (and the Newberry) thanks to lots and lots of financial aid.

I invite my fellow Fellows to visit me at JJ’s. Some do, bringing me cigarettes and hugs. They are sad that I can’t go out with them. But they understand and are encouraging, calling my JJ’s uniform sexy. I appreciate that white lie. Caitlin is a riot to work with. We dance in the ‘back of house,’ as it were. Others are reluctant.

“I didn’t know if you would feel comfortable with me visiting you at work; seeing you in a subservient position like that,�? said Laura from Beloit.

Really, it’s okay. I’m used to it. I’ve been working-class all my life. It does make for a strange relationship with the academy. Higher education is generally run by and for rich, white men. I chose Antioch, in part, to try to escape the elitist mentality of many institutions. Even our radical, left-wing haven has its literati and men earning drastically more than women. A microcosm, truly.

My Wednesday nights belong to the events at the Newberry. We held a pleasant reception for the Book Fair Volunteers. John Notz, the chair of the Fair that has been going on for twenty years, spoke briefly. He was proud of the work they had done- theirs was the only program that reached out to Marx’s proletariat. He hedged around that term, instead calling them:

“Those people who come to buy their year’s worth of romance novels for a few dollars.�? Not the educated elite. Not those who have the money or cultural capital (as Bourdieu would say) to attend most of the events. Not those who receive Gala invitations with themed giving brackets (ie. Lords and Ladies being higher donors than the Knights and Damsels at the Elizabeth event).

The following Wednesday held the opening of ‘The Aztecs and the Making of Colonial Mexico’ event. I have been preparing the RSVP list, name-tags, signs, and various other internish projects for over a month now. The names on that list include the General Consul of Mexico, many members of the Board of Trustees and friends (read large donors) of the library.

I sat behind the check-in tables, anxiously awaiting 323 people that RSVP’ed. We didn’t make enough name tags. Many not on the list arrived, complaining about their name not being in the alphabetized collection spread out in front of us. We put out more chairs frantically. Eventually, David Spadafora, the President of the Newberry, took the mike to introduce the General Consul.

“We have not had sufficient contact with the Mexican-American community of Chicago,�? he began. He continued, explaining that this event was an attempt to bring much-needed diversity to the library. The first step in solving any problem is admitting to it. The second is discussing it. I encourage students to come to the library, be part of the program and part of the solution.

Eating Chicago

By Majorie Jenson

My arrival in Chicago was preceded by an angry paper about Columbus’ subjugation of the Native Americans in the Bahamas and Cuba perpetuated by his lack of a national or familial history. I’m sure you can understand my concern that I would be the token angry indigenous-identified radical queer woman. How’s that for identity politics?

My arrival was also preceded by a former Antioch student throwing a book at a patron of the Newberry Library (ask Tom Haugsby for the whole story). Suffice to say, we no longer have a co-op here. I had to prove myself and my college as a Newberry Research Fellow living in the Gold Coast District (read “rich white neighborhood�?). Within the first week of the seminar, I found myself and my people being called “Indians,�? repeatedly, by the Director of Renaissance Studies and subsequently explaining to my fellow Fellows why the misnomer offended me. They call us “Indians�? because Columbus thought he was in the Indies. He also thought Cuba was Japan.

However, I have found my Columbus book useful. From beyond the grave, Columbus kills another indigenous group – the spiders that frequent my apartment. (These natives are abundant and fucking huge.) But seriously, the importance of semantics transcends being politically correct. It’s about accuracy and intelligence. We don’t call Cuba Japan because of Columbus’ ignorance. Let’s not misidentify an entire indigenous people because “Indian�? is easier to say. Coincidentally, my research topic is in the Renaissance and my professor encouraged me to talk with the Director.

“It’s okay,�? he said. “She didn’t mean anything by it.�?

Sure. Apparently, ignorance is bliss. Previous to this exchange, I challenged my professor’s analysis of the epic hero’s definitive “masculinity,�? which led to a long discussion of the fallacy of a gender binary. In the end, he agreed that the political and economic factors of patriarchy proved that it was a better term. Again, a question of semantics that is larger conceptually than just being “PC.�?

My time at the Newberry is split between research, class on travel writing and working part-time for the Development Office. My first task at work was to prepare for the General Consul of Brazil’s visit to the monthly “Wednesday Club.�? This included making signs and copies for the event, moving chairs and generally acting as any intern would- as a gofer (go for this, go get that).

As the crowd entered Ruggles Hall, I felt distinctly and incontrovertibly out of place. They were the elite, well-dressed, well-off: the bourgeoisie. Milling around, they spoke of opera tickets, were surprised they had to pour their own wine and were dismissive of the catering staff. I hung their coats and identified myself as “the intern�? when introduced.

I racked my brain for enough Spanish from my distant high school classes to speak with the catering staff when encouraged to eat by my boss. They seemed relieved that I tried to explain my vegetarianism (sin carne, por favor). I stood in the back, shrugging into my cardigan sweater, trying to blend in with the wall, feeling very much the underdressed and poor intern. I ducked out during the Q and A and gossiped with the security guard at the front kiosk. He was, at that moment, the only one I could relate to: a working-class POC that assured me that I would adjust to the extravagant, fivestory, marble-accented library and the mostly ignorant white librarians. I was still unsure, but comforted nonetheless.

After my distinctly Antiochian complaints, I worried what my weekend held. The other students were beautifully nerdy and, as most educated people are, liberal. They came from colleges such as Kenyon, Lawrence, Beloit and Hope. None had the radical reputation of Antioch. And no one thought poorly of our “confrontational culture�? (and many have visited Antioch). On Friday night we met on the fourteenth (read thirteenth and a superstitious architect) floor. The night began with Appletinis and Cabernet Sauvignon raised in praise of the semi-colon; “the sexiest punctuation mark ever,�? said Jason from Albion. We played the prerequisite game of Never Have I Ever and I explained the rules of Cliff.

Eventually, we moved to the seventeenth (read sixteenth) floor, put on trashy pop music and smoked too many cigarettes (or at least I did). The studio apartment was transformed in Club Newberry, and the remaining Fellows danced away several hours. After Nick from Denison danced on his kitchen counter, we decided to relocate.

In drunken impatience, Jason, Nick, Becky (also from Denison) and I left the others to bravely broach the Zebra Lounge, a dark, sketchy bar in the first floor of our apartment building. An older pianist played Beatles covers. Drinks were overpriced. We talked about the library, Milton, Shakespeare and erotica. Other bar patrons expressed their envy of our scholastic endeavors.

The city called and we walked two blocks to the shore of Lake Michigan. The buildings reached for the sky like fingers with many jeweled rings. Small, warm waves crashed around my feet. My dress winked back at the jewels of the city and I held black stilettos out of the water while Chicago’s much acclaimed wind tugged at my hair.

We talked about privilege. Our ramblings included this extravagant life as a temporary construct only to be taken from us by the real world. We marveled at how well we were living. We knew that we will never live this good again, being English majors. We promised to enjoy our impermanent existence. “For four months, Chicago is ours,�? Becky said to the skyscrapers.

“We’ll eat Chicago,�? said Nick, quoting an obscure song. I can only assure you that we will.