Fire Week @ Antioch

FIRE… Let it Burn ~ Radical Celebration of Fire Week; October 9th – 15th @ Antioch College. 2006

Fire UP!

Fire is a symbol that holds great meaning and power. For many radicals, it is a source of energy and empowerment. It is an awesome, fascinating element of this world.

Fire! It’s both Destructive and Creative…It’s controversial… It’s Chaotic, Sexy, and Revolutionary… It is both an end and a beginning, and in it’s moment of existence it holds great mysteries and holds great potential.

Why does fire seem so controversial? Perhaps it’s because fire, like all power, is controlled carefully in this society.
A radical celebration of fire means STOKE the FIRE! Turn up the Heat… Get Goin’! Get Active, let’s GO! LET IT BURN!
“Cause we can build a new world from the ashes of the old!” So look for posters…announcements and updates for Hot Events this upcoming FIRE WEEK!

Dispatches from Community Meeting

By Kathryn Leahey 

The term’s second regularly scheduled community meeting proved to be less exciting than the first. To begin, Beth Jones and Meredith Root (or Be-Root, collectively), the masterminds behind the Womyn’s Center, were named Community Members of the Week. A string of thankfulness involving organized events then ensued. Hope thanked Robin for providing the meeting with refreshments, and Ivan Dihoff thanked all those who had attended the previous emergency community meeting, the organization of which prompted Amanda to offer her gratitude to Levi. Caitlin thanked Jimmy Williams for the Constitution Day festivities while Kaleigh lauded Melody for the Shabbat and workshop she organized this past weekend. CG as a whole was also recognized for bringing Swan Island to campus. Chelsea and Jenna both thanked the women’s rugby team as well as the Cincinnati Women’s Rugby Team. Jenna also extended her thanks to her friends for their assistance during her period of limited mobility. Finally, Luke thanked all Record readers who complimented the first issue of the term.

When the entire community’s gratitude was exhausted, we proceeded with the candidate’s forum. Six students have decided to run for ComCil, while only four students and one faculty member are making an attempt to be elected to AdCil. Those running for ComCil are nearly all third-years and seem to be overwhelmingly female. Brian Utley, the sole second- year male candidate, made it known that he feels his minority opinion would be an asset to the council. Others’ reasons for running differed. Nicole wanted to make sure that campus voices continue to be heard during the changes that are occurring at Antioch, and Meghan Pergram felt as though her thorough understanding of the Leg Code would be an asset. Chelsea Martens and Julie Phillips both cited their previous community involvement as a reason for electing them while Sarah Buckingham banked on her sheer love for Antioch. Questioning began, and we discovered that, although all of the candidates are already exceedingly busy, they all believe that will have ample time to fulfill their ComCil duties if elected. When asked about specific policies, Meghan referenced a long-term guest policy that she would like to see devised and Brian mentioned an idea to support low-income students throughout the registration process, although exactly what he went by that was not made clear. Most candidates were found to have ideas for making meetings more efficient. Brian announced that he was a trained meeting facilitator while others presented ideas about preparation, redirection, and sub-committee use. Meghan, however, felt as though long conversations are often very useful. Chelsea and Meghan also both gave some ideas for strengthening the council’s presence on campus and its standing with the administration which centered around assuring timely progress.

Finally the interrogation of the prospective ComCil members ended and future AdCil members were up to bat. Hassan Rahmanian., the only faculty member who came forth, has been on AdCil for 10 years, but this is his first instance of running on the community side. Two prospective council members, Erin Winter and Ryan Boasi, decided on the spot to run. Both cited frustration with the state of the school as the reason for their decisions. Erin is also, apparently, a morning person, a statement that cannot be truthfully made about most college students. Corri Frohlich, another candidate, is trying to make the big move between ComCil and AdCil. Chris McKinless, the final student hopeful, is most concerned about AdCil’s advisory board status, a concern that he say is his reason for running. When asked by Caitlin how he plans to handle that concern, he mentioned “creative methods�, although he didn’t explain what he meant by that. Ryan and Erin responded to the question by saying that AdCil needs to improve the student body’s relationship with the administration by acting in a strong but respectful manner. However, Corri, as opposed to Chris, sees nothing wrong with AdCil’s status as an advisory board. Although some of the questioning by the community devolved into statements rather than inquiries, Amanda’s question about AdCil taking action had all five candidates poised to show their passion for actually getting things done.

Many of the announcements made after the candidates’ forum involved help being requested in one form or another. The Phone-a-thon still needs workers, as does the Coretta Scott King Center, Events, and the Tecumseh Land Trust. Volunteers were called for by Jelesia for Make-A-Difference day as well as the CG office, the community garden to build a scarecrow on Saturday, and the SOPP office for a poster campaign. Despite all the help that is apparently needed, only one organization asked for any money. One hundred dollars was requested for the Queers Only Party on Friday, about which we were told to “be there or be straight.� The Womyn’s Center is holding an event entitled “Love Your Body Night� on the 29th and a Planned Parenthood Potluck on October 6th. Everyone should also check posts around campus about upcoming Wellness Center activities.

The most anticipated part of the meeting, clarification from Robin Heise, shared little new information and left some with a bad taste in their mouths. Robin read from a statement that she had posted to First Class, reinforcing basic ideas repeatedly. John Minter apologized for any misinformation that he may have taken part in, and Meghan thanked him on behalf of all of the students for being so available; Robin followed up his statement by saying that John had not been working in financial aid long enough to truly understand it. The statement was likely well-intended, although some felt as though Robin was more chastising John than coming to his aid. After the financial aid talk, Melody led a brief party etiquette refresher course. The wisdom imparted? 1) Don’t break anything! 2) Clean up after yourselves! 3) The SOPP still applies, even if you are drunk.

The final major topic brought up at Pulse was a discussion over the appropriateness of last week’s Question of the Week. Most saw no harm in the topic, although some felt that it was possibly exacerbating a standing problem. The misunderstanding related to the Record feature was determined to be due to the difficulty of judging a person’s tone in print without the use of the dreaded emoticon. Noam Chomsky and Voltaire were quoted and ideas about personal rights and discretion were discussed, but no real conclusion was reached except that the article was provocative. Tune in next week for more information about union workers on campus having to submit to drug testing.

Blues Fest, Inteview with Guy Davis

bluesfest.jpg

Erykha Badu performs at AACW Blues Fest – Photo by: Kari Thompson
By Wesley Hiserman

Last weekend Antioch College hosted the African American Cross Cultural Works’ Blues Fest. The festival followed a Gospel Fest at the Central Chapel A.M.F. on Wednesday and, on Thursday a lecture by Kevin Dean of the Ringling School of Art and Design and presentation by steel drum manufacturer Panyard, Inc.

The AACW Blues Fest started with the Terra City Blues Band, W.G. Blues Band, Karen Patterson Jazz Ensemble, and the Ark Band on Friday. The weekend featured sets by Guy Davis, Sangmelé, Jimi Vincent and Stallion, Nerak Roth Patterson, Mo’ Blues, Goapele, Frédéric Yonnet and Erykah Badu. Badu’s set ended the festival on Sunday a few hours after Yellow Springs mayor David Foubert named September eighth through tenth “African American Culture Week.� During this event that might be better described as “African American Culture Weekend,� I got the opportunity to sit down with acoustic blues master Guy Davis. Davis’ original songs are wellwritten and beautifully performed and while playing the oldest form of blues in the festival, he admits that his music is at best a perfectionist’s imitation of the original blues.

“I am not a bluesman, as I’m called. If they call me that, I don’t say anything. What I am is a blues musician,� he said Saturday night shortly after playing his set and making a guest appearance during roots band Sangmele’s. Davis is the son of two successful actors, Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee. He never experienced the anguish that normally corresponds to those who perform the same old style blues as he. As he (and his website) puts it, the only cotton he’s ever picked was his underwear off the floor. His understanding instead stems from an emotional awareness of history.

“My blues, I believe, is ancient blues. My spirit recognizes spirits that were here so, so long ago who came to this country in chains. And since that time, even when the chains were taken off by a proclamation of law, there were invisible chains still that held them down economically and racially. The music that I sing comes directly from those people as they came to rise up and go up off the farms where they labored even after slavery in something resembling indentured servitude.

“Sometimes the blues is entertaining, it’s sexy, it’s about a man who’s got a lot of girlfriends. Or it’s about a woman who lives in a man’s world doing the things that men can do. You know, it can be funny, it can be sad, blues can be many things but I think it originates in a cry of the human spirit for humanity, just for treatment as a human being. That’s where I think blues originates and that’s where I think my blues reaches back to.�

As for what his relationship is to real bluesmen, Davis is certain.

“A bluesman is somebody who came up in the time of Jim Crow and the time of unequal housing, unequal education, unequal health opportunities, job opportunities and such. They came up in a world where the black man was last and the white man was first no matter what else.

“I do not live in that world, although I do see remnants of that world. Some of that ignorance still exists but the world is no longer that and I am not a bluesman. I don’t show up in clubs with a knife looking for a fight. I don’t show up in clubs looking to get drunk because my blues heroes apparently, according to history, got drunk.

“…I could believe that it might help for a man to sing the blues if he has suffered true, deep, utter heartbreak, if he’s been so broke he’s had to beg for money, if his only comfort was newspapers stuffed in his clothing or a warm pint of some kind of whiskey.

“However, remember the world is a progressive experience. The men who came up with the blues dreamed that the world would not truly be like that always and their ancestors, the slaves, dreamt that the would would not be like that always. They wanted a world where their children could grow up and never know what a nigger was, and never know what it was like to be so poor that you had to stuff cardboard into the bottoms of the shoes of your children so that they could walk to school if they could even go to school.�

As a product of this progressive world some 68 years after the death of legendary bluesman Robert Johnson, whose biographical documentary Hellhounds on My Trail Davis played in, Davis is conflicted about what makes a blues musician authentic. The question of race is one area where this conflict surfaces.

“I have differing feelings. If it’s a Tuesday I say yeah, white boy should sing the blues. If it’s a Thursday I say no, they shouldn’t. It’s not really up to me. I don’t think the burden of that choice is up to me.�

Arguably, the line between a well-off African American and a poor White American is blurred as far as social power is concerned. Davis believes the expression of personal and political blues figuratively corresponds to the changes that occur in the world.

“Think of the Black Panthers, think of the black muslims coming along with Malcolm X. These men were saying what their blues was and they were saying that the world had to change and the world was not ready for change. J. Edgar Hoover and the FBI made sure the world did not change. Yet J. Edgar Hoover and all of his kind mostly have died out. So these changes are coming nonetheless. There was a time when I wouldn’t see a black face when I looked at a television screen and now you see them all the time.

“That is not to say there are not still tremendous problems in the entertainment industry regarding black people and work. But you do see more, you do see progress, you do see change. That means that somebody somewhere expressed their blues.�

Vandals Supply Steamy Welcome to New Semester

By Kim-Jenna Jurriaans

A recent spree of vandalism that struck the campus last week leaves Antioch to pick up the $3500 bill to pay for the restoration of destroyed artwork and windows, general repairs and labor hours.

The events approximately started on Sunday, September 3rd with bricks smashing the windows of both the president’s and the vice president’s offices, and ended in the flooding of the first floor of the union building early Tuesday morning, after unknown vandals purposely clogged and repeatedly flushed the upstairs toilets. The broken windows in Main Hall were discovered on Monday morning between 11.30 and noon, when one of the bricks was found on the floor of the president’s office. Another was found in the surrounding area.

According to Darrel Cook working at the physical plant, the flooding at the Union didn’t occur till the following night or early the next morning. After clogging the toilets, the offenders urinated into the water, causing urine filled water to leek into the cafeteria. Four workers spent two hours non stop sanitizing the area in order for the cafeteria to open on time for Tuesday morning breakfast. Dean of students Jimmy Williams was especially alarmed about the effects the incident might have on the ability to feed the campus community. “We’re talking health violations here. Those requirements are quite strict. We were close to having to shut the Caf down.�

In addition to the incident at the Union, vandals found a way into the science building where they left a $2500 trail of damage to artwork in the downstairs hall. The art consisted of digitally re-mastered photographs of the first generation of Antioch alumni from the 1850s. “Those Photographs had only been up there for about a year�, says Darrel Cook, assistant manager of the Physical Plant in charge of the clean up. “Whoever it was took them down and tried to flush them down the toilet. All artwork was urinated on and smeared with feces.�

According to Dispatcher Campbell of the Yellow Springs police department there are no official leads so far as to who is responsible. Given the nature of the vandalism, however, both campus crew and administration find it likely to be someone familiar with the buildings and the community.

The Science building is usually locked over the weekend, but with the number of keys in circulation among students that is hardly a barrier. Dean Williams goes on to say: “This is Antioch. This is not a place were we keep busy locking people out. If you want to get into a certain building, you will find a way.�

Cook says he above all felt discouraged by the incident: “The maintenance crew had worked very hard for the last three weeks to get the campus nice before the new students arrived. It only takes a couple of people some hours to make our lives hell.�

Dean Williams was similarly disheartened by the nature of the vandalism: “We’ve had vandalism before, but in terms of nastiness it has escalated�, he says.

Like many students on campus he links the events to the recent policy changes that took place at the college and which threw a rift between many of the older students and the Antioch administration: “The community is broken right now. And all sides are convinced that they are right.�

According to the Dean the atmosphere was tense at the end of last semester. With the arrival last January of yet another president to lead “the new Antioch� into becoming a less ‘toxic� community, debates arose over the use of authority and distribution of power on campus, leaving many students frustrated with the new status quo. “We’ve become a community suspicious of change, partly because we’ve had so much of it these last years�, says Williams. “People felt devaluated, they didn’t feel they were heard. There was a vacuum and if there is a vacuum something always slips in.�

Although the issue was addressed at last weeks RDPP orientation for entering students, the reaction of the community to the incident was surprisingly calm. Some interviewed students had heard of the events vaguely, others who were off-campus for several days last week, hadn’t heard of it yet at all. Second year transfer Mariel Traiman was quoted as saying: “When I first saw the broken windows on Monday morning I remember ‘thinking this will be a big issue on campus this week’. I’m actually surprised of how not a big issue it is.� Indeed there didn’t seem to be much of a ‘whodunnit’- atmosphere amongst students. Lunch conversations tended to focus more on upcoming classes and everyday business than speculations as to the motive of the vandalism and whether the events that took place on separate days were the works of the same persons. “I know that the college portrays the events as one incident, but I’m pretty sure they’re not�, continues Traiman, who has been living around Antioch the last months before entering as a student this fall. “For me the throwing of the stones was a political act. The rest was just plain stupid.�

One of the reasons the administration has taken a low-key approach to the incident seems to be not to want to spoil the overall upbeat vibe on campus that came with the arrival of the 150 new students two weeks ago. “That’s why we were so disappointed when it happened,� continues Williams. “We had had a really good week so far. And then Bam!� At the RDPP meeting Williams encouraged students to step forward if they had any information, but so far none have. �I do think it is a problem that people know about it and choose to stay silent�, he says. He acknowledges that the atmosphere has changed over the previous years, with a low point being last semester. “The culture has gotten a little mean-spirited.� Part of the problem he attributes to a lack of communication between administration and students. “If people don’t get answers, they find answers. Administrators need to know students. In a place as Antioch that should be really easy. We should fix that.� The Dean of students nevertheless denounces the choice of action. First year Caitlin Murphy seems to agree: “This is simply not the way you get things done.�

“The irony is, we used to brag about being really tolerant hereâ€?, continues Williams. “Now we’re less tolerant. This used to be the place where dissenting opinions were discussed, petitioned. Somewhere along the line that got lost. We’re in a time of confusion right now, but I think our problems have an easy fix. This is not a student – faculty problem, but a student -administration issue. We need to get out more, be more approachable.â€?

So far the events don’t seem to have put a damper on the new community vibe. Since the College itself isn’t planning a large-scale inquiry into the incident, the vandalism is likely to stay unaccounted for.

Antioch is currently looking into options to get the pieces of artwork restored, but it is still unclear whether that is possible. If not, the 2500 dollars reserved for the restoration will go towards new artwork for the Science Building.

Horoscopes 09.15.06

By Amy Campbell

CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22-JANUARY 19)
That’s right, I put Capricorn on top, because we‘re all goal
driven and what not. That and I like being able to find my
horoscope easily. Capricorn, dear fellow Capricorn, please,
please, please stop working so hard. I know that laying doom
and destruction upon all your fellow classmates makes an
excellent step ladder from corpses, but slow down and stop
to enjoy the mushrooms that sprout from all the fertilizer
you’re leaving behind. Don’t get so bogged down in work
that you can’t dig your way out of it. Let’s recreate, baby.
Also, you might have had a little fun last weekend, try not
to feel guilty about it, Antioch ain’t the Catholic church,
nor is it academic purgatory (unless you‘re a fifth year).
Tarot Card for this week: The Empress – in touch
with your own nature, but more in control than subject
to it. You have a wealth of knowledge and tend to
use it for everyone’s benefit, but only if they ask for it.

AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20-FEBRUARY 18)
Dammit Aquarius, why can’t you get your life together? This
week might start with a surprise, hopefully it isn’t waking up
to an unexpected bed partner. Although your outlook for a
tasty fling is possible, but you may want to take a page from
Capricorn and plan for these things. You’ll be more productive
in the middle of the week than at the beginning or the end,
probably because of your hormones. Buy yourself a day planner
and stick to it. I know you’re an air sign, as crazy as that is
being a WATER-bearer, but it’s no excuse – do your homework.
Tarot Card for this week: The Moon – been distracted much?
Stop howling at the moon or those lobsters will bite your ass
and you’ll never get where you’re going. No really. Lobsters.
Big ones. I bought ten of them and I know where you live.

PISCES (FEBRUARY 19-MARCH 20)
Okay Pisces, I know you had a bad time this summer, but
get out there and meet some people! You’re a first year,
or you’re an upperclassman who hasn’t met the ass-ton of
first years on campus yet. No whining about how hard it is
to make friends. Maybe if you turn up the charm that we
all know you have you’ll make some new friends to make
up for the hard time you’ve been having with your social
life recently. Blah, blah, blah, is all I hear, stop shouting at
the paper, it cares as much as I do. You’ll thank me later.
PS: Potential cuddling, snuggling, and nuzzling
if that’s a motivator for you.
Tarot Card for this week: The Hierophant
– you’re so far away on that throne. Why don’t you
step down and join the rest of us for awhile?
ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)
Aries, you’re such a speed demon, but this week you’ll be
slowed down a bit. Don’t worry, this is temporary and pace
will pick up again in a few days. In the meantime you should
be gathering your thoughts, maybe put that cell phone down
and go out and enjoy the weather. Try not to get too caught up
looking ahead, you’ll miss something in the present that will be
worth catching. If you get offended this week, you’re probably
over-reacting a bit. Take the time to sit down with whoever
offended you and have a <3 to <3. Chances are they didn’t mean it the way it came out, especially if it’s an overloud Capricorn. Tarot Card for this week: The Fool - You’re too busy looking up where it’ll do you no good. Take a look around and start noticing what’s going on around you and your immediate future rather than way off in space. Trust me, the next step is a doozy, you’ll need to be prepared for it, but you’re not going to know what to do if you don’t know what’s going on now. TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) It’s all about money, and how you don’t know how to spend it properly. You’ll probably get a wad of cash from your parents and blow it on something frivolous. And you know what, that’s okay. Depending on what it is. Try to make purchases that will last, that way if you regret it later you can always Ebay it. If you haven’t picked up a FWSP or IWSP job yet, now might be the time. I hear rumor they need a couple of down to earth people in housing and the bookstore, but that’s only from a little genie who floats around campus so don’t quote me on that one. Buying a Capricorn a drink at a party is always a fruitful investment, unless they have a Virgo Ascendant. You may also seem a little homesick and stuck right now. Tough it out, it’ll get better, and if not you can always transfer next term. Tarot Card for this week: Eight of Swords - help, help, I’m being oppressed! GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 21) I was given permission by the editors to be outright mean to Gemini’s in writing my horoscopes. Unfortunately, you guys have it pretty good this week. You need to stop feeding the rumor mill though, it has enough help without you. Do us all a favor and keep your lips closed until you’re sure about what’s going on. This isn’t to say you should be social, in fact social interactions are pretty beneficial this week. Just ask for clarification rather than running around spouting stuff you don’t know anything about. Take some time to get to know a stranger, and I don’t mean in the carnal sense, unless that floats your boat. Tarot Card for this week: Two of Pentacles - what personality do I want to present to the world today and how will I get away with having multiple personalities? Get real, Gemini. No, I mean it. CANCER (JUNE 22 - JULY 22) Are we thinking about dropping out, becoming an alcoholic, changing majors (again), transferring, dropping a class, taking an academic leave? Yes, we are, Cancer. Don’t worry, I don’t think less of you. You’ve had a little help in this area. You’ve been talking to embittered fourth years again. Try not to let their opinion influence you too much. You’ll have enough trouble trying to sort out what you actually want to do, both in the near future and in your life in general. Now might not be the time to take advice from other people, unless maybe it’s your academic advisor. Remember, nobody likes a quitter, especially if you don’t give two weeks notice. Tarot Card for this week: Page of Pentacles (reversed) - things are more complicated than they appear, especially the transfer process. Think about what you really want to do before acting rashly (and about that rash…ew). LEO (JULY 23-AUGUST 22) Blah, blah, blah. Yes we all know how important you think you are, Leo. But really, once you shave off that mane you’re just another big cat…with claws…and teeth. Whatever it is you’re roaring about probably isn’t important, at least not to other people. Make sure people care if you want them to listen to you, otherwise don’t get offended when they tune you out. It’s not you, it’s just that you’re talking about something really boring. Stop it. Don’t worry though, you’ll be soaked with sun-shiny rays of positivity and joy. Try not to be too annoying to your more cynical friends. I mean, it’s good to see you in a good mood, but too much is too much. Even when the glass is half full, it still means you have to go back to the drink machines in the middle of your meal at the Caf. Try and write something, like those two papers due this week. Tarot Card for this week: The Star - Let the good times roll, but try to add to those good times rather than spilling milk. VIRGO (AUGUST 23-SEPTEMBER 22) Work, work, work. You’ll most likely be editing your paper for the third time or cleaning your room for the tenth time this term. Unfortunately, these will probably be distractions from things you actually need to be doing, like editing the Record. Try to make sure your super powers of anal retention are put towards things that actually need to be done. If you need more to do, come find me, I’ve got plenty of suggestions for things that need to be done on campus. Oh yeah, and if you wanna clean my room, I’m looking for a pool boy. Try not to forget to celebrate your birthday, and for god’s sake let someone else plan it this year. Tarot Card for this week: Nine of Cups - so much to do, I can’t pick what I should do first! Oh, I know, first I’ll arrange them by size, then shape, then color! No wait, now they’re all different heights! Enough with the OCD, ignore the vessel and just tackle the problem already. LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23-OCTOBER 22) You might want to go out and buy a black hoodie if you don’t already have one and put on your saddest, most pathetic music. That’s right, you’re going into emo-mode. Mostly you’ll just be overly reflective. I hope you’re taking Epistemology this term, at least then you’ll have an excuse for the moping. Luckily your scales will tip often enough that you’ll have some good times this week too. Tarot Card this week: Ace of Cups (reversed) - I am a fountain overflowing with joy. This happiness will never cease. SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23-NOVEMBER 21) Scorpio, get out of that dank dark hole you live in and resolve that issue with Cancer or Leo you have already. Chances are you’re being a jerk anyway and you need to apologize. I mean, I know Cancer and Leo can be annoying, but so can you. Grow a backbone before you become a squishy mess on someone’s shoe, otherwise you’ll miss out on some great opportunities, unless you enjoy being scraped off of someone’s shoe. Oh yeah, and at some point you have to leave Antioch, even if you know you‘re not ready yet. I know it’s as dark and dank as any hole and here they think it’s cool that you glow in black light, but if you don’t change holes some other Scorpion will come by and drag you out by the tail. Tell me Scorpio, if you’re flipped on your back and held down, do you have any choice but to sting yourself? Tarot Card this week: Three of Cups (reversed) - you’re having such a good time that you forgot to realize that this isn’t fun anymore! SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22- DECEMBER 21) Mood swings again Sagittarius? Maybe it’s time to take a break from Pisces and Aquarius and hang out with a more stable sign. You’ll be discussing philosophy at some point during this week, whether you recognize it or not. It seems that you’ll just need different things at different times. If something’s not working for you at the moment go do something else and come back to it. No point in stripping screws just because you’re frustrated. I recommend not putting together IKEA furniture this weekend, or ever really. Tarot Card this week: The High Priestess - something isn’t right, you just don’t know what. Try listening to that feeling and avoiding people and situations that make you uncomfortable. Next week may be better for confrontations.