What activity comes to mind when you hear the word “sex”? For most people, I would venture to guess, thoughts turn to some form of traditional penile-vaginal intercourse, or at least a healthy dose of very intimate and probably unclothed touching, when primed with the “s” word. Is that all there is to sex, though? Of course not, and for some people, that sort of sex isn’t practical or desirable.
Why not? Well, let’s consider some possibilities: perhaps you don’t have a great deal of sexual experience (or any at all), and you don’t feel ready to make your body that vulnerable to another person (or people), or maybe you have other reasons for not wanting to be physically intimate with another person (or people); perhaps you or a partner have an STI and don’t feel confi dent using barriers for protection; maybe you and your partner(s) fi nd you’re having the same perfunctory sex a couple of times a week and you want to try something new; maybe you and your lover(s) are separated by co-op and want to find sexual fulfilment across the miles. Whatever the reason, doin’ it without doin’ it can be sexy, satisfying, and fun. Here are some suggestions for you to try at home or wherever you do it:
- Write and exchange erotic stories with your partner(s). Describe your own sexual fantasy or elaborate on a partner’s sexual fantasy. Exchange stories in person or leave it in a surprise location, like in their pajama pocket or under their pillow. Be careful with anything written, however, as you don’t want it to end up in the wrong hands. It’s best not to leave erotic stories or suggestive notes in a lover’s pants or jacket pocket if they’re heading off to work, for example.
- Make an X-rated video or photo album (using your digital camera and personal printer, of course) for your lover starring YOU! Again, be careful that these things don’t end up in the wrong hands, especially in the event of a less-than-friendly parting. When in doubt, follow a view-once-and-destroy rule
- Have phone sex. For me, hearing a partner’s voice (their noises, words, etc.) is one of the best parts of sex, so any event highlighting the vocal really turns me on.
- Have cyber sex. You use the computer for work, school, games, shopping, a date book, and to keep in touch with friends and family, why not use it to enhance your sex life, as well?
- Two words: mutual masturbation. Pleasure yourself in the presence of your partner(s) while they do the same. You can watch and listen and you know it will feel good because you are your own best lover. Be careful to keep a safe distance during this one in order to prevent the accidental exchange of fl uids.
- Masturbate with an article of your lover’s clothing (with their consent, of course). Use a dirty shirt infused with your lover’s scent or a clean pair of underwear that you can imagine being close to their “goodies.” This is a fun experiment in texture, too. -Dance. Go to a party or a club and grind up on your partner(s) in the middle of the dance fl oor. This is especially fun if you have some voyeuristic tendencies.
- Find the quirky things that turn you on. For me, geeking out on social theory with an academic cutie is almost better than sex (almost). What does it for you? Reading abstinence-only curriculum, perhaps?
- Be creative. The list that I’ve provided is far from exhaustive. Use your own ideas and creativity. A good friend of mine, for example, likes to dress people up as robots and tell them what to do. You might laugh, but it’s what works for her.
I’m sure that all of you have some inventive ideas for doin’ it without doin’ it. Don’t be afraid to try something new, and if you come up with something good, be sure to let me know!
Lusting for You,
P.S. If you hadn’t guessed by now, I’m Levi B., your friendly community sexadvice columnist. You can submit your sex questions to me via email (ecowpert AT antioch-college.edu or Levi Cowperthwaite on First Class) or an anonymous note slipped under the Record office door or placed in the Declassifieds box during Community Meeting, Tuesdays at 3:00 in McGregor 113. I don’t believe that any sex or sexuality-related question is silly or strange, so ask away, Antioch! I’m looking forward to it!