To my Beloved Community,
There are several things I’d like to address in my corner this week, among them how little I had to do with the title “Bringing Censor Back�?, how much of a slacker a certain over-classman reporter has turned out to be, our new Declassified policy, and my increasing frustration with the state of our affairs; institutional, national, and international.
However, to save time, and space because we have another rather crowded paper this week, I will just talk briefly about our new Declassified policy. From here on out, we will only ‘declassify’ Haiku form poems. That means five syllables, followed by seven syllables, followed by five syllables. Some of you may be asking why we’d do something like this to you. Well, the answer is complicated.
1. I hate Declassifieds in general.
2. Most of them are not very clever.
3. The only ones to me are mean.
4. I expect more from my talented, beautiful community.
5. We need more poetry in the Record
So there you have it. Put on your thinking caps and make a subtle, sublime, structured tone poem to communicate your message. And try to cut back on the menacing and hateful speech; we’re reserving the right not to print it.
Luke C. Brennan Esq.
If you’re reading this, good. That means you’ve either already read Declassifieds or you are one of our most valued readers. Welcome. While many editors, including myself have left this portion of the newspaper until last, this week I am actually writing this days ahead of time. I actually have something to say. Any guesses?
Surprise! I want to talk briefly about the ‘DeClassifieds’ section of the Record. Great isn’t it? Indeed, as I suggested above and as we all know, many of us read declassifieds first, sometimes the only thing read at all. Fine. We can’t make you read the work people have put into the Record. However, a few points of respect would be appreciated.
Declassifieds are not news. Declassifieds are not even factual. You have no idea how many little declassifieds I’ve typed up, knowing full well that their sharp statements are entirely false. It is the Record’s job to know what is going on and inform the community. If we don’t report on it, it’s because there aren’t enough facts. If you think you’ve got a scoop, tell us and we’ll check it out. Declassifieds are not intended as a medium to stab at people behind anonymity. They are there for cute notes, crushes, thank yous and light hearted humor. It is not intended as a subversive political machine. Really. Got something to say to someone? Say it to their face. Leave them a note. Just keep the Record out of it. Everyone already knows the rumors and accusations so printing them in the Record only makes the Record accountable. The Record, as I said before, has printed absolutely false statements just to keep readers happy, but really, we have no business doing it, and neither the Record nor the greater community is gaining anything in this.
Also, flooding declassifieds with numerous, meaningless doggerel isn’t cool. It takes us time to fit all that in and it’s all fluff. Often, it’s not even witty fluff. Keep it short and have something to say, even if only to one person. And if you are addressing someone, it would be nice to let them know they were being addressed. If you are saying something not so nice, but acceptable, have the guts to put your name on or don’t submit it at all. You can always write us a letter, and opinion piece…there are lots of ways of getting our voice in the Record that actually make a difference. Do you get what I’m saying? Want declassifieds to stick around? Don’t want the paper to take shit over nothing? Don’t want the Record to get censored? Care about the community? Let’s have fun, but let’s be able to serious and thoughtful also. Think about what you’re saying, whether you really know what you’re talking about, factually and whether your putting it in the appropriate forum. In the name of respect for the community and yourself self, grow up.