Ruggers Steal Hearts, Ball

By Lauren Hind and Mariel Traiman

20060924-rugby.jpg

In typical Antioch fashion, the Antioch Radicals, who needed to take extra time to put out their cigarettes and remove a large assortment of body piercings, delayed Saturday’s rugby game. Lookers on were met with a veritable symphony of “could someone put tape over my nipples?? and “is it ok if my cunt is pierced?? While the Cincinnati Women’s team were busy French braiding each other’s hair and running drills, the Antioch women’s rugby team were still learning to pass the ball without “rainbowing it.?

This rag tag group of underdogs makes up for in style with what they lack in actual athletic skill. Don’t let the ponytails and mismatched knee socks fool you, these bitches can fight. Coach Jeanette has been pulling out a closet full of training techniques the likes of which have not been seen since Rodney Dangerfield coached the Ladybugs. This year’s roster includes a plethora of first time ruggers; Wendy-Lynn Zeldin, Alyssa Kutil, Mariel Traiman, Patrice Wyman, Clara Lee, Anne Fletcher, Chelsea Martens, Meredith Root, and Katie Archer, who in Saturdays game braved a serious knee injury. Returning ruggers that are helping to teach from their experience and intimidate the newbies into rugby greatness include Antoinette Chensee, Ebonie Miles, Jennifer Switlick, Jelesia Clyburn, Lauren Hind, and Laura Kopp.

A typical practice consists of the Radicals running up and down the field looking somewhat reminiscent of lost four year olds in a crowded amusement park. They can also be seen running full speed into each other using an assortment of techniques to knock each other mercilessly to the ground. Folklore permeates the team as the women encourage each other to “watch the kitty,? a rugby term for the spot right below the belly button and above the ‘cooch’. Never before have we seen a group of dykes so reticent to bury their faces in each other’s crotches. “It really is a lot scarier when you’re running at it full speed…and it’s harder to ask for consent!? says one team member.

We, the reporters are convinced this game was created by a group of drunk sexually repressed homosexuals who needed an excuse to touch each other, and being to scared to outwardly ask for consent, created a system of running, tackling, and crotch grabbing and named it rugby. The scrum, for example, consists of nine, sweaty, hard-bodied athletes, who alternate between putting hands down each other’s shorts and wedging their heads between the thighs of their teammates. Before the game can start, the referee inspects the fingernails of the players making sure they are regulation length…meaning short enough to not cause any pain. After the games, you can find ruggers chanting about pussy and engaging in binge drinking in between nursing their injuries.

It is common thought that after a strenuous training period which will probably involve many montages of the Radicals being whipped into shape, and coming together as a team to overcome anonymously evil adversaries they will pull out some form of wacky trick play which will be used to defeat their opponents. This defeat will serve to unite the Antioch student population who will be inspired to overthrow the current administration and prove once and for all they truly are the Antioch Radicals. So in closing we urge you to come out and watch these star athletes in training play, we promise sweat, blood, humility, and hilarity.

“Hip Hop: The Antioch Influence?

20060922-hiphop.jpg

My name is Charles Arthur Williams. First things first, I’d like to thank the students of Antioch for the unconditional support given to me personally and for the respect, acceptance, and embrace to all walks of race, culture, and creed. I’d also like to thank Luke for asking me to write this article.

As most of us are well aware, the magnetic essence of Erykah Badu, one magnificent singer expressing every ounce of her manifestation of soul, performed at the golf course of Antioch College. Now, a lot of students have seen me practice my B-Boy skills around the campus. It started in the Common Room of Fess (Fesbop). Jennifer Parnel would often practice with me. She surprised me because she could do stuff I couldn’t do and do it well. What else surprised me was I didn’t expect anyone to consider break dancing at Antioch. I mean really, I just didn’t expect it. Years went by, Katie Andrews would film my progress. Not too long after that dance battles intrigued me, taking me to places such as Atlanta Georgia, Washington D.C., Portland Oregon, Seattle Washington, Dayton Ohio, and many other places. OK, what does this have to do with Erykah Badu? Well, that same night when she performed, I was blessed to grace the same stage alongside her. And I was able to present my B-Boy display in front of my people at Antioch College, where it all began. Big ups to School For the Def and Universal Spectrum. For those that don’t know, Universal Spectrum was and still is crew, a crew I use to do hip-hop shows with. School For the Def was a crew that did hip-hop shows such as the hiphop convergence, and mad shows in general. See, Antioch students have in a way, pushed me to continue my way of expressing hip-hop culture. Its been a blessing to have the likes of Jen, David Eagle, and now Tony, as well as a physical workout.

My point is now this. Sept. 9, 2006, those same students that give nothing but a loving hand to me were able to witness hip-hop in its truest and most humble, yet explosive form. Visions of the faces I knew, which were a lot mind you, helped to enable me to live hip-hop on stage next to Erykah Badu. Antioch students are an influence on hip-hop culture because they are an influence to me – and I am hip-hop! I am hip-hop because hip-hop is a culture that influences people to search themselves, test themselves, and find themselves. Hip-hop is education outside education grades K-12. Hip-hop is a study; it’s a particular path of life you walk on if it’s meant for you to walk on. Hip-hop is generations old. And, it needs to be respected. Hip-hop has been performed inside of Antioch, has been known to many graduates from Antioch, and has been extended from the birthplace in South Bronx to the little village university called Antioch College.

-Chuck