Horoscopes

Friday, September 7, 2007

By Foster Neill “THEY’RE MORE LIKE BAD FORTUNE COOKIES, REALLY.” ARIES (MARCH 21 – APRIL 20) It’s the end of the term so you’re confused. After all, you’re not always the best at recognizing what’s bothering you. It’s finals, not your friends. If you stick to your work and you’ll be free from stress and [...]

Horoscopes 10.20.06

Friday, October 20, 2006

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CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22-JANUARY 19) Feeling a little sentimental these days, Capricorn? Maybe wondering whether or not you’re in love? Do you feel like you’ve met the love of your life, and that person makes your heart skip a beat? Oh Capricorn, get your head out of the clouds and your feet back on the ground. [...]

Horrorscopes 10-13-06

Friday, October 13, 2006

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By request, a very special Horoscope for this week’s edition of the Record. Ladies, Gentleman, and Gender-Neutral or Othered persons, I bring you…Horrorscopes. Yes, I predict your death for my general amusement and your torment. Just try not to die this week; I’d rather not get sued. Heart Heart, Amy Campbell, Horrorscope writer and mysterious [...]

Horoscopes 09.15.06

Friday, September 15, 2006

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By Amy Campbell CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22-JANUARY 19) That’s right, I put Capricorn on top, because we‘re all goal driven and what not. That and I like being able to find my horoscope easily. Capricorn, dear fellow Capricorn, please, please, please stop working so hard. I know that laying doom and destruction upon all your fellow [...]