Masculinity and a Personal Note
Friday, 25th of April 2008 at 12:00:13 AMBy Alaa Jahshan
I remember talking to some friends and the words, ?I hate heterosexuals!? came spewing out of my mouth as I realized I was surrounded by several of them. So what, I thought, I?ve heard people around me my whole life say they hate homosexuality, disgusted by it, wouldn?t even consider discussing it, sin itself. I wanted to say fuck you, and I still do. It makes me feel better, but it doesn?t accomplish anything.
First, I thought, I need to deal with my own problems. I feel hate towards traditional heterosexuals and hetero-normative culture. I am many times resentful of the male culture I grew up in, consequently leaving me with an insecure image of manhood and sexuality. Stereotypical men were obscure to me; they interested me because of how oddly charged they were. For lack of a better description, these were the dude bros, man. It was an identity that I felt I had to habituate because my other options did not make much sense. Hell, I had the privilege of physically being one of them, but still I became resentful because I didn?t thrive in that kind of population.
The next step, I thought, was to step out of my privileged male self, when I could do this safely, and try to do it every day. I didn?t do this at all until I came to the US and was surrounded by friends whom I trust. Even writing this I am stepping out of my male privilege, possibly threatening a certain masculine identity. Since I became so comfortable with my adjusted identity, I had trouble switching back at times and any time I did, I became more frustrated. After being more comfortable with myself as a person, I gained some insight into what is going on around me.
During the Spring Dance Concert, a group of Salsa dancers stopped during a performance to ask the audience for some ?conflict? in their story line, ?tension? was another word they used. After several suggestions, one audience member said that the male dancer should be gay, and one of the female dancers should be a lesbian. Wow, I sarcastically thought, this is so very entertaining that he is gay and she is a lesbian. I sat through the performance and listened to the audience laugh behind me at our male dancers? gay imitations and the female dancer?s attempt to be with another female. It?s really not that big of a deal, I thought trying to calm myself, but homosexuality as an item is being laughed at, regardless of its logic, it made me uncomfortable.
About a year ago I heard about a big budget film being released in Egypt. There were articles and press releases about it discussing how interesting it was that this film wasn?t censored. The film dealt with ?controversial? (suppressed) issues such as the working class, Islamic movements, and homosexuality. The articles said nothing else, and I was surprised, filled with hope. This film, also including some top Egyptian movie stars, was distributed all over the Middle East, even reaching Europe and the US. I had to watch this film. As I was watching it, I was ecstatic. Part of the subplot included a homosexual journalist. As the plot evolves, we understand that this journalist solicits sex from men. Later we find out that he had a debilitating childhood, which led to his ?misfortunate? gay urges, and later he gets murdered. I didn?t even watch the rest of the damn movie; I couldn?t care about the heterosexual protagonists.
These two small glimpses into my life keep reminding me that I don?t want things to keep bogging me down because I want to move forward, I want to keep learning, and I want to keep producing, but I will not be told I am an aberration any longer. I am done taking bullshit from people, I?ve let the grownups teach me what they wanted to teach me, and now I am going to do things from my perspective.
Related posts:
- “An Evolving Piece of Work”: Joe Foley on his role as Vice President, the Nonstop budget, and the Alumni Board’s upcoming challenges.
- Support Nonstop, by Chad Johnston ‘01
- Cheap Glitter and Mixed Feelings, Reaction to the Concept Paper by Lincoln Alpern ‘11
- “The rest is pretty okay”: Concept Paper Response by Gerry Bello ‘97:
![[Valid RSS]](valid-rss.png "Validate my RSS feed")
[...] Presentation to ProTem Board -Drying of Main Campus Continues as Local Petition Moves Ahead -Interview with Lee Morgan and Matthew Derr -Back and Forth between Theory and Practice: Womyn’s studies in Europe -Campus South: Virtual [...]
[...] delegation if educators who came to Nonstop and reported on their visit to the Board Pro Tempore. [link to Record article on visit] Schwerner said he expected that everyone had already read the eight-page report, [Link to the [...]
[...] studies in Europe -Campus South: Virtual Tour of the Nonstop Dorms -Fashion Column: Undead Prom -Question of the Week [...]
Strongly agree with his assessment of his answer to “What is your vision for the new Antioch?” I feel like most of my ideas weren’t and aren’t challenged nearly enough at Antioch and Nonstop Antioch because everybody is on the same page in so many ways. The rare occasions when they have been challenged are/were some of the most rewarding I’ve had in a very rewarding education.
Also, I find it hilarious that the homonym for hominem as in an ad hominem fallacy should be … well, you know. I was roaring with laughter for a good 15 seconds at that one.
Damn but this brings back memories. I saved a print copy of that issue of the Record especially for this letter. It’s still just as hilarious today as it was last year. Thanks for including it, Rose. Really nice touch.
[...] Committees Form to Tackle Transition Issues » [...]
[...] We all believe we are torch bearers: an Interview with Micah Canal ‘08 [...]
[...] “Support Nonstop,” by Chad Johnston ‘01 [...]
[...] “An Evolving Piece of Work”: Joe Foley on role as Vice-President, the Nonstop budget and… [...]
[...] “The rest is pretty okay” by Gerry Bello ‘97 [...]
Thank you, Chad. You can tell this guy’s in communications; that was a perfect summation of what we in the Nonstop community stand for, and why we’re important.
I’d just also like to stress that we’re important because of people like Chad Johnston. While many things have changed in the near eight years since he graduated, we’re still bearing the torch of an Antioch education and Antioch values.
Chad Johnston is just one of innumerable examples of what an Antioch education means for the individual, and the wider world. He is a passionate and progressive media activist, fighting for freedom of communication as a necessary foundation for social justice.
This is ultimately why Antioch matters; why it is vital that Antioch survive, in spirit as well as name: so that it can go on nurturing and empowering people like Chad so that when they leave college, they will have the knowledge and the skills to work for the betterment of humankind.
[...] und Bewegungsintellektuellen der USA, ein Aspekt, der in der üblichen Kritik am Left Forum ignoriert wird. Eine Blogstimme: It’s absolutely massive, with the leading lights from the national and [...]
[...] Alumni Interview Gerry Bello THE ANTIOCH RECORD Posted by root 18 hours ago (http://recordonline.org) Every business the next town up elk city all the way out 39 till you got to the county we did most of the carpentry work in there and jacked up the roof and sheeted the students category articles from the editors interview leave a comment powered by wordp Discuss | Bury | News | alumni interview gerry bello the antioch record [...]